All right! You made it halfway through the week. Great to see you here. Before we go any further, though, let's speak of hockey victories, ill-advised media mergers and terrifying primate diseases, shall we?
The Lightning beat the Montreal Canadiens 4-1, and will be advancing to the Eastern Conference final to play either the New York Rangers or the Washington Capitals. Productivity citywide will drop precipitously today as countless brand-new fans do their online research to be able to talk to loyal Bolts supporters with any whiff of credibility.
Elderly telecommunications company Verizon is buying ancient (in online years) internet company AOL for $4.4 billion. Maybe they're going to bring back dial-up in a cool and kitschy way, make it the web's user-experience equivalent of vinyl records or fixed-gear bikes.
And finally, Florida's Hendry County, a center for monkey breeding in the U.S., is being sued by an animal rights group for failing to undergo the transparent public process necessary before approving yet another breeding facility. And you know what the best thing about breeding monkeys is — Disease! Horrible, new and terrifying, obscure, flesh-just-dripping-off-you disease.
This article appears in May 7-13, 2015.
