It is the day after Cinco de Mayo. It is also Wednesday, six days after Avengers: Age of Ultron was released, and if I hear you continue to bitch about some bullshit semantic canon disruption regarding that particular explosion of cinematic overkill in a voice above a respectful whisper, I will gut you and leave you in the sun as a mute warning. Shut up about it, already; it's a fucking movie. Also, Guardians of the Galaxy was mediocre at best.
It's coming! It's almost over! The St. Pete City Council will vote on the top three pier designs on Thursday. Are we still caring? *Tap* *tap* Is this thing on? Wake up 'Burg residents, you're one step closer to having a thing you'll visit only occasionally despite your heated arguments and passionate advocacy.
The second annual Give Day Tampa Bay, in which local residents are encouraged to donate whatever they can to any one (or more) of a number of participating nonprofit organizations, outdid the first. We'll forego snarking on needing a day to give to nonprofits in favor of thanking you all, and commenting positively on your appearance. Giving to charity definitely makes everyone appear more like we might masturbate while thinking about them in the shower. You guys and girls look good. We need a minute.
Two corrections officers at Lake City's Columbia County Jail were arrested for beating the shit out of an inmate. Unfortunately, it's still illegal to beat the shit out of corrections officers.
And finally, those of you who figured the lessening of tensions between the U.S. and Cuba would automatically result in crazy infusions of tourism dollars for the Tampa Bay area forgot about the free market: JetBlue will start flying directly from JFK in NYC to Havana in July. We forgot planes could fly from other places, and also stop other places to let people get on other planes. Apparently some southern power brokers forgot they didn't actually own everything; that's actually pretty classic Florida, really.
This article appears in Apr 30 – May 6, 2015.