Tuesday. Tuesday is what they sell you after they spend an hour showing you a shiny new Friday, then remind you that you can't afford a Friday at the beginning of the week. Tuesday is the egg noodle casserole they make after talking for hours about the four-course meal they're gonna prepare you, then realizing they don't have the ingredients. Tuesday is … Tuesday, really.

After the Supreme Court ruled Florida's death penalty unconstitutional back in January for putting too much power in the hands of judges as opposed to juries, a Miami judge has ruled the "fixed" system unconstitutional as well, saying its requirement that only 10 of 12 jurors need agree to impose a death sentence goes against the tradition of it needing a unanimous jury vote. Meanwhile, six innocent Floridians died of boredom just trying to get through this bit.

Pinellas County has its first case of the Zika virus; it's reportedly travel-related, rather than contracted via bloodthirsty Sunshine State skeeter. Which really isn't that much comfort when you remember that, at any given time, Florida has more people fresh off a plane from somewhere else than it does actual mosquitos.

A Daytona Beach attorney was disbarred for, among other things, having phone sex with inmates, trading favors for drugs and generally engaging in the sort of late-to-work, job-neglecting shenanigans that always inevitably come with a fairly serious party habit. It's called "research," people. She's stumbling that mile in the other's shoes. She's just quidding the pro quo, you know.

And finally, a new study finds that the exploding popularity of vaping and proliferation of its accoutrements has led to an upsurge in accidental child poisonings — most the result of kids swallowing the nicotine-laced juice. America: where the Venn diagram showing "People too stupid to be trusted," "People attracted to dangerous things" and "People with a tendency to leave shit just lying around" is but a single circle.

This article appears in May 5-11, 2016.