Tuesday. Tuesday is what they sell you after they spend an hour showing you a shiny new Friday, then remind you that you can't afford a Friday at the beginning of the week. Tuesday is the egg noodle casserole they make after talking for hours about the four-course meal they're gonna prepare you, then realizing they don't have the ingredients. Tuesday is ... Tuesday, really.
After the Supreme Court ruled Florida's death penalty unconstitutional back in January for putting too much power in the hands of judges as opposed to juries, a Miami judge has ruled the "fixed" system unconstitutional as well, saying its requirement that only 10 of 12 jurors need agree to impose a death sentence goes against the tradition of it needing a unanimous jury vote. Meanwhile, six innocent Floridians died of boredom just trying to get through this bit.
Pinellas County has its first case of the Zika virus; it's reportedly travel-related, rather than contracted via bloodthirsty Sunshine State skeeter. Which really isn't that much comfort when you remember that, at any given time, Florida has more people fresh off a plane from somewhere else than it does actual mosquitos.
A Daytona Beach attorney was disbarred for, among other things, having phone sex with inmates, trading favors for drugs and generally engaging in the sort of late-to-work, job-neglecting shenanigans that always inevitably come with a fairly serious party habit. It's called "research," people. She's stumbling that mile in the other's shoes. She's just quidding the pro quo, you know.
And finally, a new study finds that the exploding popularity of vaping and proliferation of its accoutrements has led to an upsurge in accidental child poisonings — most the result of kids swallowing the nicotine-laced juice. America: where the Venn diagram showing "People too stupid to be trusted," "People attracted to dangerous things" and "People with a tendency to leave shit just lying around" is but a single circle.