Sh*t happened 5/16/16: Lightning win as Bishop falls, George Zimmerman fails, Slide the City flails

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Sharon grabbed her bag and her change from the young man in the window and handed it to Sean. She carefully navigated the parking lot, then screeched into traffic, jostling him as he dug through the food, double-checking the order.

"Aw, crap," he said, inspecting something half-rolled in foil.

"What is it?"

"Didn't you order a Double Friday?"


"Well," he said, handing her the mess, "congratulations. You got a Monday instead."


The Tampa Bay Lightning beat the Pittsburgh Penguins 3-1 in the opening round of the Eastern Conference finals, in a game that saw hero goalie Ben Bishop injured in a fall. And the world teetered on the edge of the chasm...

An unbelievable douche reportedly punched a 12-year-old kid in the face while jacking a car. In the parking lot of a Christian childcare facility. Now, we're normally not down with the whole drag-the-culprit-from-his-jail-cell-and-beat-him-mercilessly-in-the-public-square scenario. Normally.


Speaking of douches, guy who almost certainly got away with murder George Zimmerman spent a few days trying to auction off the gun with which he shot and killed Trayvon Martin, only to be trolled relentlessly. On Saturday, he had to delete and repost his auction for the umpteenth time due to fake accounts and wildly inflated bids. It totally sucks to be a victim — can't a guy who shot an unarmed guy, shot at another guy, has been arrested for multiple violent offenses and auctioned off racist artwork just get on with his life?

"Thousands" took advantage of a giant water slide set up on a bridge on Tampa's North Boulevard to get a little summer fun. Hmmm. A gross, giant water slide set up on a public street, where people were charged between $35 and $65 to experience gravity. The only way this could've been more Tampa was if it was a mix of Captain Morgan and Jagermeister being pumped down the thing.

The 2015 Nebula (fantasy) and Stoker (horror) award winners were announced. Books, people. Sheesh.


...and finally, it turned out Lightning goalie Ben Bishop's injuries were not as serious as originally feared when he fell on Friday night and the entire Tampa Bay hockey fandom lost its collective goddam mind. He hasn't been ruled out for Monday-night play. But he hasn't been ruled in! Do whatever weird superstitious thing you do in such situations, Tampa Bay hockey fandom. 

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