Sh*t Happened 5/17/17: Hit-and-run driver sought, Tampa not super fit, crocodile relocated

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click to enlarge Sh*t Happened 5/17/17: Hit-and-run driver sought, Tampa not super fit, crocodile relocated
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It's the bleakest peak of the week. Take hard, fellow cubicler, for topping yonder rise, we shall glimpse a morrow's morrow, and the sweet release which heralds its fruitful climes.

Authorities released harrowing video of Monday's hit-and-run in Holiday that clearly shows an erratically traveling gold SUV (license GYC T99) careening into a 14-year-old kid on a bike before speeding away (in a much more controlled fashion). Astonishingly, the kid isn't in traction or the morgue. The next kid might be; somebody, please, make a phone call.

The Tampa Bay area checked in at No. 19 on the American Fitness Index's annual list of our great nation's fittest "cities," and was the highest-ranking Florida "city" on the roster. Not bad for a region with no hills whose most active citizens consider standing on a floating plank and moving their arms to be the height of athletic activity. (Also, "racing" the end of a particularly good drink special is not sports.)

And finally, Cleatus, an American crocodile that somehow showed up way out in the Dry Tortugas nearly a decade-and-a-half ago, was relocated (back?) to the Everglades after it became evident he was getting a little too friendly with human visitors at Dry Tortugas Naitonal Park. I like to think it was like the end of an action movie setting up a sequel, where the airboat is disappearing into the distance as Cleatus unwraps the remaining tape from around his snout, looks around, sees like three giant pythons, smiles and says, "Let's go to work."

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