Happy Monday! See how we just pretended such a thing was possible?
FRIDAY, MAY 19:
Tampa cops arrested dozens of people and seized hundreds of pounds of spice. Apparently morons are still smoking spice.
Somebody donated 111 grams of pot packaged for sale to a Minnesota thrift store along with their pants. Dude, enough with the getting high on your own supply.
SATURDAY, MAY 20:
Environmentalists, public figures and more linked hands on Treasure Island as part of the worldwide "Hands Across The Sand" gesture against offshore drilling. You know what's more effective than gestures? Tons and tons of dirty, dirty money.
The Rays beat the Yankees 9-5 to reach a season-high four victories in a row in a game that saw multiple ejections. Sportsball peaked early this year.
SUNDAY, MAY 21:
A guy got drunk at a party in Pinellas Park and drowned in the pool and nobody noticed for 12 hours. This is a thing that happened. I don't care how gross the pool is, the pool is the first place you check. Thoroughly. Also, if your pool is so gross you can't see a body at the bottom of it, clean your pool.
And finally, after 146 years, the Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey Circus performed its final show just outside New York City. "But what about all those people who've depended on the circus for their jobs?" asked someone who's been sure for two decades that the homeless deserve to be homeless.
This article appears in May 18-25, 2017.