Good morning! Here's your forecast for Friday: That high-pressure system that's been hanging around since Monday finally started to break up overnight, leading to a gradual lowering of inhibitions that should present itself this afternoon and increase right on through the weekend, leaving us with an 80 percent chance of embarrassment on Monday. Dress accordingly.
NOAA forecasted a busier-than-usual 2017 Atlantic hurricane system, predicting 11 to 17 named storms, 2 to 4 of which will be major. They've been right about above-average seasons less than half the time, so, you know, do with this information what you will (read: nothing). But is there a Donald or Don on the list for this year's named storms? Of course. Of course there is.
Due to confusion and lack of action or direction at the state level, the city of Bradenton has boldly put its own visionary plan for the locating, opening and regulating of medical marijuana dispensaries into place. JUST KIDDING! It extended its citywide moratorium on dispensaries another six months. "We're waiting for guidance," said a city representative who probably doesn't have a loved one whose chemotherapy makes them vomit bile because they never feel like eating anything. "Waiting for guidance" is often code for "afraid to lead." Somebody step the fuck up.
In other just-south-of-the-Skyway news, Siesta Key's Siesta Beach was named the best in the nation by Dr. Beach, who is actually a professor at Florida International University, though he probably didn't major in sand angels with a minor in not getting pulled out to sea by a riptide. Dunedin's Caladesi Island State Park also made the top 10.
And, finally and gloriously, "Naked man accused of stealing $25K swan in Polk Co." You're welcome.
(Image of Hurricane Dennis via NASA/Public Domain)
