Sh*t Happened 5/8/17: Zebra escapes, non-zebra wins Kentucky Derby, manatees and firefighters in Pasco

click to enlarge Sh*t Happened 5/8/17: Zebra escapes, non-zebra wins Kentucky Derby, manatees and firefighters in Pasco
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"What a gorgeous weekend. Simply gorgeous. Unbelievable, really, and probably the last cool, clear, sunny weather we're likely to see until September," said everybody in the area who didn't spend it squinting into smoke to try and see whether or not their home was about to be engulfed in flames.

FRIDAY, MAY 5:

Looks like we spoke too soon about getting Florida's medical marijuana amendment enacted and implemented, as the state legislature couldn't come to an agreement on the number of dispensaries and storefronts allowed and ended its session without passing a bill. Mexican gangsters are stoked.

A zebra escaped from its pen in southern Hillsborough County, running amok and striking a vehicle in Riverview before being recaptured. The zebra was not difficult to see or locate, and no one that saw it galloping through their back yard said, "oh, so that's what the stripes are for."

SATURDAY, MAY 6:

A pair of manatees became trapped in a New Port Richey canal after authorities filled in an eroded levee. Unfortunately, manatees don't do the skyrocketing Free Willy thing. Manatees do the somehow-weigh-1,000-pounds-while-eating-seaweed thing, and they own that shit.

Always Dreaming won the Kentucky Derby. Hey, somebody might care, you never know.

SUNDAY, MAY 7:

Firefighters continued to battle a Pasco blaze said to have burned some 2,275 acres of Starkey Wilderness Park near the Anclote River. These men and women have had what could only charitably be called a pretty hectic schedule since mid-April; there's a donation drive on for 'em today, Monday, May 8, at the Salvation Army warehouse at 7745 Ridge Road in Port Richey. Bring Gatorade, bottled water, sunblock, protein bars, mosquito repellant — you know, all the stuff you might need while you're out in it being a goddamn hero.

And finally, the candidate for the French presidency who didn't sound like a pretty much out-and-out fascist won the election. You might need this information for future comparisons and bitterness.

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