Your short week is halfway over. Of course, the coming weekend will feel short as well — but hey, your carcass wasn't found being dined upon by a pair of alligators, so you've got that going for you, right?
Reps for the Tampa Bay Rays met with officials from Tampa and HIllsborough County to go over nine potential sites for a new home stadium across the bay from St. Pete's Tropicana Field. Not all of the sites were made public, but all possess one extremely desirable quality the Trop doesn't have: they're not a mile from my house and fucking up my commute four days a work for six months a year.
Busch Gardens is holding a contest on Facebook in which you can help name their newest baby sloth. But before you get all excited to type in Lazy O'Douchefur or whatever, know this: they're already down to three names you can choose from, and none of them are of the internet jackass-spawned variety. I know, right? What is this, Nofreedomstan?
And finally, yesterday's Tampa Bay Times police blotter included this little modern classic: A man on a Clearwater auto-burglary spree left his cell phone in one of the vehicles he broke into, and was busted after calling the sheriff's office to report it stolen. Unfortunately, the dude in question failed to achieve full Florida Man status by not being possession of multiple illicit drugs when he went to the station to pick up his phone and was arrested. You gotta go big these days, bro.
This article appears in May 26 – Jun 2, 2016.