Good morning. Check your snake enclosure before you head out into the day, wouldya?
From the "just missed the weekend-roundup deadline" file, a convicted felon named Trigger shot himself in the ankle in a Hudson dollar store on Sunday when the gun he was illegally carrying fell from his waistband, hit the floor and went off. Is there such a thing as "too much Florida" in a single news story? The universe says no.
Speaking of shit that happened before yesterday that deserves a mention (yeah, I know), a Bradenton grandfather opened his Impala's hood to inspect the engine on Friday and found a 3-food python hanging out under there. Does this mean the Terrifying Python Invasion is working its way up from the 'Glades? No. It means a pot dealer is still a day and a half from wondering where his pet Monty went.
And finally, does anybody want to hear Bono — a tax exile who's pro-corporate welfare — praise Marco Rubio, a U.S. Senator whose loyalties might generously be described as "for lease," from the stage during a U2 concert in Miami last Sunday? In the context of, of all things, opposing Trump's budget? No? Well, there's the link anyway.