So it seems hurricane season took a page from The Contemporary Christmas Shopping Season Marketing Playbook and kicked things off a little earlier this year, yes? In a couple of years it'll start on Memorial Day, then the Monday after Easter, and before you know it we'll be giving each other cutesy decorative sandbags on Valentine's. Stay safe out there today, everybody.
FRIDAY, JUNE 3:
Lakeland city commissioners have agreed to poll residents living in the vicinity of Lake Horney in order to gauge demand for changing the name. Why would anyone be embarrassed to live on Lake Horney? Didn't they come for the leer-able views, and stay for the lecherous property values? Horney.
We lost the the Greatest of All Time. Ask yourself how an outspoken Muslim of Ali's profile at the height of his fame might be treated in our current cultural climate. Then ask yourself if you consider that progress.
SATURDAY, JUNE 4:
A 26-year-old felon illegally possessing a firearm shot and killed a 19-year-old who was smashing the former's windshield with a baseball bat during an altercation in Gibsonton. Let's put that image on some currency, shall we?
In the wake of the retirement of Ryko after eight years on the job, the Dade City PD needs a new four-legged K9 officer. As police dogs are pretty expensive — around $10K — the Dade City Kiwanis club is throwing a fundraising barbecue for the department on June 23. Please do your part, because dogs that facilitate delicious, delicious BBQ are the real heroes.
SUNDAY, JUNE 5:
And finally, a small private plane was forced to land on 56th Street near USF. The plane landed safely, and the pilot, its sole occupant, was unhurt. No details were given regarding what prompted the emergency landing, because there's not really any cool, vague aviation jargon for "pants-crappingly terrifying weather."