Sh*t Happened 6/7/17: The road to internet infamy is occasionally paved with good intentions

Not often, but occasionally.

click to enlarge Sh*t Happened 6/7/17: The road to internet infamy is occasionally paved with good intentions
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Hello! Like a well-earned hangover, it's time to bring the pain by dragging the results of yesterday's ill-conceived activity into the light of a new day. Nothing bad dies quietly, my friends.

OK, so an impressive percentage of the internet spent yesterday freaking out over that Sebring woman who posted a video of her letting a red rat snake bite her 1-year-old daughter. But amid all the upheaval and white noise, no one bothered to address the most important question the video seemed to beg: At what age is it appropriate to let a red rat snake bite your daughter? Two? Six? If nobody tells us, we'll just keep screwing it up.

"I really want to spend the early morning of New Year's Day running a marathon up and over the Sunshine Skyway," said some of those friends of friends you originally thought you were gonna get along with famously until a second brunch revealed them to be healthy and thus crazy.

Florida Governor and possible real-life version of the evil priest from Poltergeist II Rick Scott did something smart and easy yesterday, signing a bill abolishing the scandal-plagued Hillsborough County Public Transportation Commission. If you're wondering who's gonna protect the local taxi industry, the answer is you, by vowing to take a cab every time you need a short ride somewhere. And if you just thought pfft, fuck that, Uber is cheaper, then you just nutshelled America in eight profanity-spiced mental syllables.

And finally, don't think about hiding from the dreaded pool-diarrhea bug anywhere near your hipster-y urban chicken coop, because that thing's full of salmonella. Because you didn't wash your hands between gathering your yard-to-table eggs and getting ready for the big Organic Market & Vintage Motorcycle Expo by putting tiny flower blossoms in your beard. You deserve this.


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