Have you gotten your hot dogs? Your fireworks? Your alcohol to make the former palatable and the latter potentially lethal? "Nope," you say. "I like to put things off until doing them is actually a form of psychic torture." Good for you! Builds character, it does. It can wait a few more minutes while you peruse yesterday's news.
Katie Golden, the 15-year-old South Tampa girl reported missing about a week ago, reportedly contacted a family member to let them know she was OK, she'd just run away from home and wasn't ready to return yet. All right, then, we'll just … wait, what? The story has gone frustratingly quiet since then, here's the Facebook page where you can get and share information.
Ready to have your faith humanity restored? Look elsewhere. 'Salem's Lot extra Rick Scott got even richer after spending millions of his own money to buy his gubernatorial victory last year. His net worth has jumped more than 10% since 2013, to $147 million. Meanwhile, you splurged on the box of mac and cheese with the "real CHEESE color!" for this weekend's festivities. The world is a just and verdant paradise.
Two women, when approached while trying to leave a Kissimmee Publix with nearly $500 in groceries without paying, fled and left two 11-year-old girls behind. You know, if they'd owned up to being hopeless scuzzbags years ago, they could've abandoned the kids much earlier and not been stuck with $500 grocery bills they couldn't pay…
And finally, pop-music trivia answer Flo Rida became the latest brand to dump Donald Trump over the Republican presidential contender/swollen wig rack's yelly bits about Mexican immigrants, canceling his performance at the Miss USA pageant. Silver linings, people.
This article appears in Jun 25 – Jul 1, 2015.