Your prize for surviving until this particular Thursday is not having to read yesterday's news in detail. Score! Here's the quick-hit round-up:
Florida U.S. Representative and Democrat Alan Grayson (whom we've mentioned is kind of a tool), announced he will be campaigning for Marco Rubio's Senate seat. Maybe he can refrain from calling people "shitting robots" and "K Street whores" and running falsehood-filled attack ads long enough to win.
Jeb Bush doesn't think you work long enough hours, Americas Who Didn't Inherit Insane Wealth! Apparently "enhanced productivity" is the new "job creation" for pols who've realized job creation is difficult. Related: seriously, fuck the congenitally rich.
An 8-foot, 300-pound alligator had to be removed from a St. Pete woman's front porch. No Texas morons were eaten during the procedure.
And finally, a new law will allow Miami-Dade cops to decide whether to arrest folks on misdemeanor pot charges, or simply ticket them instead. *White recreational drug users high-five while black dudes just shake their heads, aware of exactly where this is going.*
This article appears in Jul 9-15, 2015.