He gazed balefully at the computer screen, then dutifully typed out the biased stories he selected based solely on his religious affiliation. You'd think he didn't like it. Actually, he thought the whole thing was kind of funny.

This isn't really sports news, it's marketing news, so I can pretend for a moment to know/care about it: The Tampa Bay Buccaneers unveiled their new "Siege The Day" slogan, which replaces their old "It's a Bucs Life" campaign, and tries gamely to tie a simple pitch-session pun to the various recent changes that have taken place within the team's organization. It's really weird how sports and advertising are so similar — billions of dollars being spent on shit people should probably take about one-hundredth as seriously as they do…

A whole lot of folks showed up at a rally to express their antipathy toward a plan for widening I-275 to include toll lanes, because said plan would gut years of progress by local, independent, community-focused businesses. Who says the average citizen can't have her voice heard before it's drowned out by a louder, cash-ier one?

Americans' "consumer confidence" dropped to its lowest level since September 2014. Because financial recovery is an illusion. Put your money in clean water, whores and your mattress. (But don't forget and then sell your mattress.)

And finally, all this rain is spawning more mosquitos, which in turn spawns more panic over stuff like West Nile virus and encephalitis. Please do something panicky-weird when it starts to rain again and I'm nearby, my YouTube hits are shit.

This article appears in Jul 23-29, 2015.