We'd love to go out in the sun and start to pick up some fallen tree branches and maybe link arms and smile like at the end of a disaster movie, but sorry, gotta get to our cubes.
Wow, so Tropical Storm Emily passed through the Bay area yesterday, apparently to prove that a massive weather system can just sort of form in your living room while you go to the bathroom for five minutes, or something. Thankfully the storm was a weak one, resulting in minor flooding, damage and loss of electricity, with Manatee, Sarasota and Polk counties taking the brunt of the blow. St. Pete's sewage system kept everything contained; Lakeland experienced a 10,000-gallon wastewater spill, but not even an entity as powerful as, say, a large and influential daily newspaper could use that against a certain incumbent mayor's reelection campaign, we don't think.
In national news, Anthony Scaramucci, an eight-ball of cocaine made human through the power of avarice, was removed from his post as White House Communications Director after ten days on the job, during which he threatened to fire everyone on staff, referred to a senior Trump advisor as being an autofellator, and generally showed little understanding of the position's two settings: ON the record, and OFF the record. Then again, how could he? The Mooch is ALWAYS ON, man.
And finally, a 21-year-old Largo man who swam to safety Monday morning after driving his Jeep into the ocean on Clearwater Beach reportedly had a blood alcohol level of .22, or nearly three times the legal limit. The tricky part about the really epic dumb shit that might make for a great story later in life is, if you're too stupid to recognize you got lucky, you won't live long enough to look back and laugh. Recognize, kid.
This article appears in Jul 27 – Aug 3, 2017.