Sh*t Happened 8/18/17: Citizens throw money at problem, naked man confuses blackout with sleepwalking

If you want something done right, pay good money.

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Sh*t Happened 8/18/17: Citizens throw money at problem, naked man confuses blackout with sleepwalking
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Good morning! Did you wake up confident in the decisions you made on Thursday? Yes? Then you probably won't find your story told here.

In the wake of a Hillsborough County Commission decision to leave that Confederate monument in downtown Tampa unless the community raises $140k in public funds to help move it, the community — and by "the community," I mean people who understand the statue is not a symbol of heritage but rather a racist intimidation tactic installed many years after the South lost a war that, yes, was fought over slavery — raised the funds, and then some, in little more than 24 hours. Next attempt to not piss off people who are gonna be pissed off anyway by people whose job description is basically "you're gonna piss off half the people no matter what": "It's hard to move 'cause it's shaped funny."

The G Spot caught fire yesterday. Sadly, this is a story about a minor blaze at a Clearwater strip club, and not a post on your mom's Facebook page.

A 38-year-old man was busted for trying to crawl naked through a window into the Treasure Island home of a woman who didn't know him. When tracked down and detained by cops — it wasn't tough, as he was the naked guy standing across the street from where a naked guy tried to crawl into a stranger's home — he claimed he'd been "sleepwalking," which, to be fair, does have a much nicer ring to it than "blacked the fuck out."

And finally, a Citrus County woman was arrested and charged with two felony counts of animal cruelty after authorities looking for the owner of a blind, malnourished, matted and feces-encrusted dog wandering the neighborhood found two more horribly neglected dogs on her property. Look, I know we've got a lot of people-on-people badness going on right now, but let's not forget there are still plenty of folks out there that deserve to be fed to wolverines over their treatment of animals.

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