Sh*t Happened 8/23/17: Cavern opens under Fletcher, gridlock, terror to ensue

Not really. Maybe.

So is Wednesday the peak of the hump, or the bottom of the trough? Depends on your meds, we guess.

The St. Pete Beach City Commission voted to allow registered guests to drink alcohol in "hotel beach cabana areas." Locals enraged that they can't carry their own plastic cup of well tequila and powdered sour mix 100 feet closer to the ocean really, really need to up their inconspicuous consumption game.

Are you breathlessly awaiting the latest regional Confederate monument news? Really? Sigh. OK. A day after a sizable confrontation between protestors and "protectors" on the site, Manatee County commissioners voted to move a memorial statue in front of Bradenton's courthouse to a temporary location until its final resting place can be determined. In your mind's eye, can't you just see the cartoon guy with the mask and the mustache tiptoeing away holding a bag with "$" on it behind the row of angry people looking the other way?

Yesterday's cop news was a mixed bag: an heroic off-duty deputy rescued a Manatee County couple from their burning car, but the Lakeland PD was forced to suspend its entire K9 unit (not all at once, duh) after somebody complained about seeing the unit's multiple vehicles speeding down the freeway as a convoy. Actually, wait — that's not really a mixed bag. It's not even really a bag. It's "Things Cops Do." Carry on.

And finally, the westbound lanes of perennially busy East Fletcher Avenue were and remain closed out past Bruce B. Downs due to the discovery of a cavern under the asphalt. Yes, a "cavern." As in, "this is how horror movies begin." They're saying it was a leaking water main that caused the cavern to form, but our money's on the eclipse having awakened an ancient slumbering evil without a name.

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