Sh*t happened 9/2/15: Philanthropy, Pitbull pimps Florida, Walmart heist

If you're not a Neil Gaiman megafan or an enthusiastic mythology geek, you might not know that Wednesday is named for two deities — the Germanic/Northern European god Odin and the Roman god Mercury. The former was a creator, and the latter was a messenger and facilitator, which explains why, when Wednesday rolls around, you can't decide whether to hit your stride and storm out the week killing it with authority, or just kind of get things done until Friday.

A couple worth more than a billion dollars donated $1 million toward the construction of an athletic complex for Carrollwood Day School. Which is very, very cool — and the couple is involved in other philanthropic activities as well — so we'll forgo the usual facetious, snarky, factually inaccurate comment, which probably would have had something to do with still having to use a rope tether and canary to safely enter the school's library, or something. (But seriously, let's not forget academics and arts, OK?)

Terrible sort-of-rapper Pitbull was named Visit Florida's newest tourism ambassador. Which tells you pretty much everything you need to know about any large bureaucratic organization's idea of cutting-edge cool, doesn't it? The Sunshine State: We're Worth Repping When Pepsi And Bud Light Are Done Cutting You Checks.

Tampa Bay's two major electric utilities released their projections for next year, and it looks like area customers could see a drop in their bills. Feel free to bookmark that link, for easy reference in 10 months when it turns out to be utterly untrue. File it under "long cons, the usual."

And finally, a 37-year-old woman was arrested and charged with shoplifting $1,300 in merchandise from a Lakeland Walmart while carrying two concealed handguns. IT'S TIME TO PLAY "PICK YOUR PUNCHLINE": A) $1,300? Security probably became suspicious when they noticed every shelf in the store was empty, or B) Authorities determined the guns hadn't been shoplifted during the spree because they were well-made and of American origin. DOUBLE ZING. I'll be here all week.

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