Monkey Phone Call
www.monkeyphonecall.com
There are certain criteria a site needs to fit before it gets written about here. Decent graphics, relevant content, usefulness to the world at large should probably be paramount. What it's really all about, though, is going where instant gratification reigns — or at least holds the majority share of the market. Normally, free falls under the category of good, as well. But sometimes you gotta pay for your humor, kids. And I'm not talking about getting that $3 whore off Nebraska Avenue, putting her in a clown suit, then sending her to the zoo to fellate the orangutans. Been there, done that, got poo flung at me, thank you very much.
This site, if utilized properly, will cost you 10 bucks. So you ask yourself, Is it worth it? I can't answer that. Only you can decide if having a monkey call you and/or your friends is worth 10 bucks. Seriously. You pay 10 bucks and a highly trained monkey phone caller will make simulated simian sounds specifically for whomever you choose. Yes, simulated — you can't use real monkeys because it's gotta be tough to train them to dial properly every time. Read the FAQ for more information.
Send yourself one — it will take them 48 hours or less to call you, so the anticipation of getting the call oooh, doesn't it just make you tingle? Send one to the friend that's having a bad day. Use it to incite romance; nothing says, Baby, I love you like screaming chimps. Use the hot monkey love to turn that frown upside down. This site has it all: action, intrigue, a fiendishly clever marketing plan (why the hell didn't I think of this?). Monkeyphonecall.com is a site for the simian novice and elite alike. Because remember, unlike Raymond, everybody loves monkeys.
—Patrick J. Graney
This article appears in Apr 10-16, 2002.