Sock-guy, condom-guy, and Glad-bag-guy walk into a bar

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Apparently this is acceptable behavior on a construction site because Sock-guy didn't stop and the foreman just told him to keep it down and hurry up. Perhaps this explains why construction workers constantly whistle at passing women, and hold up 2x4s and hammers like crude monuments to their cocks.


After hearing Sock-guy's story, Condom-guy chimed in. One of Condom-guy's roommates came home early one morning looking for the last two condoms he had packed away. Condom-guy apologized to the roommate, saying that he used them to jack off. His reason. Condom-guy didn't want to shoot his wad all over the ceiling. I've seen lots of men masturbate but I've never seen one shoot his wad more than a few feet. Regardless of the super powered semen, the story seemed unbelievable. Most men don't want to wear condoms when their having sex, when their life could depend on it, but they'll wear one to masturbate?


I told my coworker about the story and he too admitted to using condoms. Then he told me about his "friend," Glad-bag-guy. Glad-bag-guy liked to get a plastic bag(don't know if he used the freezer or snack size), and wedged it between his mattress and box spring. He would proceed to, you guessed it, fuck the bag. I couldn't help but wonder if after he was finished, Glad-bag-guy sealed the bags and put them away for safe keeping.


I used to think it was an exaggeration that men will fuck anything. I guess I was mistaken. So, I must ask all my male readers, what is the strangest thing you've used to masturbate.


Until recently, I never fully understood the lengths men will go to simulate a pussy while masturbating. I figured most dudes were as uncreative when it came to masturbation as they were during sex: the standard oil and lotion mixture, or a swab of conditioner in the shower applied at rapid speed until the desired effect is achieved. That was until I met Condom-guy, Sock-guy, and Glad-bag-guy.

At a recent party Sock-guy tried to impress me with a story about how he was working construction on a beach house when the mood struck him. Naturally, he took off a sock and searched for a bucket. In all my time working as a phone sex operator I have never heard of a fetish involving a bucket and a sock.

After finding a bucket, he went to in an empty bedroom closet. He was making so much noise the foreman caught him mid-stroke with his cock in the sock.

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