From the "Why the hell do you want a monkey?" department: Some asshole stole a 12-year-old Goeldi's monkey from the Palm Beach Zoo and Conservation Society early Monday morning.
While the monkey — a female named Kali who weighs about a pound (Goeldi's monkeys are typically about 8-9 inches tall, excluding their tail) — looks adorable, she's a wild animal and probs not interested in being someone's pet. Additionally, the Smithsonian National Zoo lists Goeldi's monkey's as "vulnerable" — which means they're almost endangered. Goeldi's, native to South American rain forests, are social creatures who sleep and rest together.
WPBPD says Kali needs her meds.
What are the chances Kali will find her way back to the zoo and the other four Goeldi's monkeys? We can't say — we're not actuaries — but consider this:
"Goeldi’s monkeys are very popular on the illegal pet trade, and so since she is a female as far as breeding is concerned, she’s holding a pretty high value, upwards of $10,000 I’ve been told,” Naki Carter, the zoo's director and marketing and communication, said.
So, uh, we're guessing whoever swiped her — in the middle of the night and no one at the zoo's saying how that's even possible — didn't want a cute pocket pet.
We need your help finding Kali, who was #stolen from the @PalmBeachZoo this morning. 12-yr-old #Kali looks exactly like this #Goeldi’s #monkey; weighs one pound, & needs medication. Know something? call @CrimeStoppersPB; you can remain anonymous & may be eligible for a reward. pic.twitter.com/VwR2WB2mnF— West Palm Beach PD (@WestPalmPD) February 11, 2019
Goeldi's monkeys are in the same family as marmosets, have shaggy black hair and, again, have no interest in being a damn pet, so if you have any information about the idiot who thought this was a great idea, call Crime Stoppers at 1-800-458-TIPS. Yes, there's a reward.