In the hundreds of articles I've read as a Sex & Love editor, I've come across some ideas about sex and sexuality that many writers, even of the scientific variety, assume to be common knowledge: most adult entertainers have suffered abuse, your sex life declines with age and the length of your marriage, men have zero rights when it comes to abortion... However, the number one assumption I encounter time and again reads like this: "In our culture, men who have sex with a lot of women are considered studs while women who do the same are considered sluts."—Bullshit!
Feminists love to reference this double standard as evidence of sexual inequality. There's even a book titled He's a Stud, She's a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know. Sure I believe sexual inequality thrives in our culture; just look at how female adult performers are paid exponentially more than males. While it may have once been true, this Studs VS Sluts clique is as outdated as the pullout method.
Other than arrogant pricks and their lackeys, who thinks a sexually promiscuous guy is a stud? In what circles are men who aren't close friends or famous sexual icons celebrated for their sexual prowess? Is Ron Jeremy really praised more than Jenna Jameson—he certainly hasn't made as much money as her? If a man is straightforward about his sexual conquests like Tucker Max in I Hope they Serve Beer in Hell, he's called a misogynist. If a woman writes about the same topic, she's considered edgy or sexually liberated, but she's certainly not dismissed as a sexist who took advantage of men. Look at Chelsea Handler's best selling memoir, My Horizontal life, or Nina Hartley's slew of sex advice books, or the Sex in the City writer Candace Bushnell, or Roxana Shirazi's The Last Living Slut, or Jillian Lauren's Some Girls. When it comes to sex, promiscuous women, not men, are far more celebrated in modern American culture.
And what women prefer men with expansive sexual resumes? Other than a single time at a porn awards show when two local strippers commented on how they wanted to fuck the pornstar Derrick Pierce, I've never known a female to be attracted to a male based on his sexual conquests alone. Sure, women may be more sexually drawn to man-whores, but this attraction has more to do with those qualities that lured other partners (charm, popularity, good looks, money, humor, etc.). While some women may be interested in a fling with a sexually competent male, when looking for a relationship, which is the bulk of what single women claim they want, they prefer men who aren't "studs" as this reduces the risk of a potential partner cheating or leaving. Nowadays man-whores are called man-whores; men just care far less about having this label than women do about being called sluts.
There's no question that overt female sexuality is an exponentially more marketable and profitable commodity than male sexuality. This isn't because we are offended or disgusted by female sexuality; it's because we're drawn to it. Men don't condemn women for their overt sexuality, at least until these men are rejected or attempt unsuccessful monogamous relationships with these women. And since more men are looking for a sexual partner than a relationship, guys are often drawn to sexually liberated women over conservative females.
Female on female hate is solely to blame for the propagation of the slut double standard. Women love to call each other sluts. When a woman walks into a club with spandex painted over her breast implants, it's the female clubsters who are quick to call this flashy dresser a slut while the men stare in awe. Men view these women as sexual prospects; Women see these alpha females as competition and work to outcast them. So yes, women do call their competition sluts at a higher frequency than they call men sluts, but this is more of a mating strategy than a belief. I would wager that if respondents were asked to rank the slutiness of test subjects based solely on gender and number of sex partners, those with the same number of sex partners would rank evenly in terms of slutiness, regardless of gender.
Please feel free to disagree with me. Tell me all about how "other people" believe man-whores are studs and promiscuous females are sluts.
Follow Alfie on Twitter or Facebook
