Hey kids, it’s Halloween. So guess what I’m dressed up as? Go ahead, take a wild freakin' guess. Why, I’m a Cranky Copy Editor, which means I'm wearing my standard-issue jeans, button-down shirt and bad attitude. Why not something more imaginative, you ask? Well, because we here at the Loaf were apprised of today’s Halloween costume contest and festivities on Monday.
Monday.
I don’t know about you, but four days is not nearly enough time for me to think of and put together a quality outfit, like "the head of John the Baptist with a side order of fries." Not by a long shot. Especially since I was expecting another knife-wielding pumpkin-carving contest and didn’t give a single thought to dressing up. I feel bad about not partaking in the Halloween esprit de corps, but then again, I'm not alone, as only a handful of people in the office bothered to play dress-up. And I guess I should be grateful no one decided to come to work as a "
Candy corn. Do you like lots of sugar? And Carnauba wax? And cavities? And zits? Well then you'll love candy corn, the single most disgusting, cheap-ass Halloween cop-out ever conceived. You know those scenes in prisoner and war movies where they slop gruel onto a tray? That's what you're doing when you hand out candy corn.
Cranky Movie of the Day: The Thing. Kurt Russell + Wilford “Quaker Oats/Liberty Medical” Brimley + John Carpenter + gross-out effects = Pure horror gold.
That's it. I'm all Cranked-out. Have a safe and happy Halloween.
This article appears in Oct 29 – Nov 4, 2008.