Playing God is hard. There are so many big decisions, like, how should we handle a new technology that can potentially cure cancer, HIV, and tons of genetic and viral diseases, even though that same technology can fall in the hands of those terrorist dickhairs, who could use it to formulate a weapon of mass destruction never before invoked by humankind?

It’s a real puzzler, and it’s what scientists are dealing with since discovering how to edit DNA.

The technology, called CRISPR, which stands for Creating Rad Ingenious Super Powers Rules! (or some similar but actual scientific terminology), is a breakthrough not only because of its potential to alter biological life as we know it, but also because it’s reportedly easy and inexpensive to do. 

So easy and inexpensive, in fact, that anyone can order a CRISPR kits online for as cheap as $140. Your very own homegrown genetic experiment could be a mere Google search away. 

I mean, really, it’s probably more like an Easy-Bake oven-type version of the real thing when you do it at home, versus a Mayo Clinic-level project in an actual science lab. But still, bad guys tend to show a fair amount of ingenuity, so…

Still, this is a big deal for humanity. We have the knowledge to literally alter our own evolution. But clearly, it’s tricky. 

Pros: Prevent cancer; grow organs for transplants that will not be rejected; eliminate genetic disease and its spread to offspring; eradicate mosquito- and other animal-borne disease; cure viral diseases; and finding causes and solutions to infertility and recurring miscarriages, just to get started.

And then, of course, there's creating drought-resistant crops — while many are skeptical of GMO food, the starving people of the world would likely be appreciative.

Cons: If we can edit DNA to get rid of disease, we can edit DNA to be diseased. Someone could unleash a viral superstrain of some shitty illness that medicine isn't prepared to handle, especially if it reached epidemic levels. Or, according to Time Magazine, it’s theoretically possible that mosquitos could be engineered to carry some new horrific disease that could infect human cells and “decimate the population.” Also, there’s the whole bit about multiple unforeseeable negative consequences that tampering with our DNA could produce. 

We’re either getting a cure for all kinds of terrible illnesses and diseases, or humanity is going down — probably complete with a lot of gross rotting corpses all over the place. Roaches will finally take their rightful place at the top of the species ladder, and the End Times believers will be able to tell the rest of us, “In your face!” — before they become roach food themselves. 

I sure hope we don’t fuck it up.  

This article appears in Sep 1-8, 2016.