Holy shit. It's the holidays already. Which means most of us will be drinking even more than normal. Most likely in a fortified, well-stocked bedroom where those obnoxious relatives can't find us — or a dingy neighborhood bar. Here are some tunes to help with the process. Cheers.

Song: "The Piano Has Been Drinking (Not Me),"

Artist: Tom Waits

Killer line: "The bouncer is a Sumo wrestler cream-puff Casper milquetoast."

Tom Waits' classic saloon song recalls a surreal scene at a last-stop dive where everything from the piano to the jukebox comes to life. Don't get it? Try listening when you're sloshed. Suddenly, it will all make perfect sense.

Song: "Closing Time"

Artist: Leonard Cohen

Killer line: "She's rubbing half the world against her thigh/ And every drinker, every dancer/ Lifts a happy face to thank her."

Pop music's greatest poet paints a picture of sheer, gin-soaked jubilance. It's nirvana for libations-loving nighthawks, a place where strangers drink away their sorrows, hook up and live for the moment. Or is it? Cohen manages to both celebrate and condemn "the blinding lights of closing time" in an up-tempo jaunt laced with festive fiddle.

Song: "One for My Baby (And One More for the Road)"

Artist: Frank Sinatra

Killer line: "It's quarter to three, there's no one in the place/ Except you and me/ So set 'em up Joe, I got a little story/ I think you should know."

"This is the part in the program where we sing a drunk song," Sinatra says while introducing the song at The Sands in Las Vegas. "Drunk songs are usually done in small bars and bistros in the wee hours of the morning. Usually talked or sung by a fella who has got problems. Like, ah, his broad flew the coop. With another guy and all the bread. So, if you'll assume the position of a bartender, this is the way these guys behave."

Song: "Swinging Doors"

Artist: Merle Haggard

Killer line: "My new home has got a flashing neon sign/ Stop by and see me anytime you want to/ 'Cause I'm always here at home till closing time."

Honky-tonk hero Merle Haggard tells the tale of a man who loses his woman and decides to find solace on a bar stool, behind "swinging doors." Hag's most impressive list of hit drinking songs also includes "The Bottle Let Me Down," "Misery and Gin," "Heaven Was a Drink of Wine," "Bar Room Buddies," "I Think I'll Just Stay Here and Drink" and "Yesterday's Wine" (with George Jones).

Song: "Beer Drinkers & Hell Raisers"

Artist: ZZ Top

Killer line: "I'll be here around suppertime/ With my can of dinner and a bunch of fine."

Texas' hottest power trio unleashes a sizzling, hard-hitting ode to getting drunk and rowdy. With propulsive backbeat, it's the ideal song to have playing when you chug that can of Bud.

Song: "Chug-A-Lug"

Artist: Roger Miller

Killer line: "Heck I'm just going on 15/ But with the help of my finaglin' uncle/ I get snuck in for my first taste of sin."

The King of the Road gleefully reminisces about the most fucked up he ever got, including that time in elementary school when he and a pal downed "grape wine in a mason jar."

Song: "White Lightning"

Artist: George Jones

Killer line: "Well the 'G' men, 'T' men, revenuers, too/ Searchin' for the place where he made his brew."

The Possum delivers a peppy two-step retelling of his grandpappy's whiskey still, the Feds' futile attempt to shut it down and a city slicker being floored by some of that good ol' moonshine. Jones' other classic booze ballads include, "If Drinking Don't Kill Me (Her Memory Will)" "Tennessee Whiskey," "Bartender's Blues" (with James Taylor), "Yesterdays' Wine" (with Merle Haggard) and "The King Is Gone (So Are You)."

This article appears in Nov 26 – Dec 2, 2008.