The libertine's guide to gallantry: finding your type

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I have always had a powerful lust for muscular, female legs. I think this stemmed from my obsession with gymnasts, then cheerleaders, as these were the few pretty girls in high school who were shorter than me. While I wouldn't go as far as to say I only date athletic women, many men do have a very specific type. This isn't a bad thing. While it may limit your dating options, it keeps you from wasting your time on women who aren't a good match.

However, many men make the mistake of waiting for their type to fall in their laps. While some get lucky and meet their type at a X-mas party, most men simply bitch about how they wish they could meet a smart, petite Asian woman until they settle for whatever Amazon beast wanders by. Other, slightly bolder men may even congregate where their type hangs out. This is a step in the right direction, but it's not enough.

For as many high school football games I attended with a front row view of the cheerleaders, I never actually talked to them at any of the games. I considered my situation, and I also thought about how, while many of the cheerleaders dated football players, the one or two less than attractive, straight male cheerleaders also dated cheerleaders. My senior year I finally saw my opportunity. I volunteered with a handful of other non-football players to train with the cheerleaders for a cross-dressing cheer at a pep rally. Suddenly I was being invited to hot tub parties filled with more muscular female thighs than I knew what to do with. What changed?  I not only put myself in the same space as these women, but I set myself up as an equal.

I pulled the same trick in college. I've frequented the gym for the better part of my adult life, but I can't name a single girl I've ever met randomly at the gym. While you may sneak a few glances in the wall mirrors of asses bubbling out of spandex, you won't have much luck striking up a conversation with a woman who's breathing heavy and jogging with her iPod at full blast. To remedy this situation, in college I enrolled in circuit aerobics. Sure my weight-lifting friends thought I was a sissy. But, while they were hitting weights with each other, I spent two days a week as one of three boys in a room filled with a hundred freshmen girls. And, I was no longer just staring at them. I was becoming their workout friend. I was someone they joked with before, during, and after class. The result: I walked out of that class with the numbers of three hot, athletic women.

To meet a specific type of woman, you not only must hang out where she hangs out, you must find a way to interact with her as an equal.

If you've always wanted to date a stripper because you think she'd be kinky or open to inviting one of her dancer friends in for a threesome, you can't just waste your lunch hours feeding dollars into a g-string. You must find a forum to present yourself as something other than just a customer or spectator. Consider applying for a job as a DJ, bartender, bouncer. Hell, working as the bathroom attendant will get you closer to these women than a wad of cash. While I'm hesitant to date a dancer (as my brother recently got out of a custody battle with one after discovering her kid wasn't his), I've exchanged numbers with more than a few because of my position as Sex & Love editor.  If like me, you aren't big enough to be a bouncer, start writing reviews of local dance clubs for some online publication. Become an erotic photographer.

Alternative lifestyle groups figured out this trick long before the vanilla community. Swingers go to swinger clubs to meet like-minded couples. Fetishists go to fetish parties to meet their type. No dominatrix sits at home, crying because she can't find a man who'll allow her to attach a car battery to his nipples. She goes where she knows these type of men will be.

If you want a gaming girl, go to gaming conventions. Join a gaming group that actually meets in person.

If you like intellectuals, start attending lectures or political debates. Spend your free time at the library. If you see your type reading The Economist, ask her opinion on libertarian politics.

If you like volleyball players, don't just go to games. Join a co-ed beach volleyball league. Find volleyball groups online. Join a few until you find one with some prospects.

If you want a religious girl, don't just stare at her in solemn silence during mass. Join a Bible study group. Volunteer with her.

Don't be a passive spectator. Be part of the scene.

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