After you’ve supercharged your confidence, or at least learned to fake it, and you’ve abolished all fear of rejection, it's time to master the subtle art of libido-control. And don't worry, no harnesses, duct tape, or sharp implements are required.
To women, desperation reeks like the cheap cologne of high school boys at prom hiding perma-boners in unsuspecting asses. True, men who are unafraid to look like fools, to hit on anything with a pulse, may rack up impressive sex numbers, but they also collect a great many morning-after stories about the creatures they find lurking in their beds. It’s important to keep your sexual goals in mind. If you're the type of fella who gets so blackout drunk that you can block out the mongrel faces of late night decisions, then, by all means, cast a wide net. But, if you're looking for a more meaningful connection, or perhaps someone who is above your standards rather than below, a little dick control can go a long way.
Men who discover that rejection is meaningless, often fall into the trap of hitting on anyone who probably doesn't have a penis. Unless you’re in an environment that offers a constant stream of fresh faces, like a street festival or outdoor concert, one must learn to keep your dick on a short leash, especially in confined social setting like house parties or clubs.
Classy women want, and deserve, to feel special. It's a cliché, but many women do have a deep-seated desire to be treated like a princess. Because none of us are Prince Charming, we must fake it. One of the quickest ways to blow your cover, to reveal that you're just another toad, is to shamelessly hit on any female within arms reach. Remember that the premier activity at bars is people watching. You want people to notice you, but not because you just got rejected by the middle-aged chain smoker prodding video poker over her PBR.
Instead, use your confidence to merely chat with fellow bar patrons. While the line between talking and flirting is thin, most women can tell if you're commenting on a wine's flavor or trying to line up a booty call simply from your body posture. Basically, you want to try to be the life of the party, without making a fool of yourself. Local DJs and musicians get laid like rocks stars on nights they perform because women like the attention of being with the person who just stepped out of the spotlight. If you work the room in a friendly manner, others will at least assume you're a fun guy who knows a lot of people. Try genuinely complementing dresses, purses, or hairstyles as you pass a woman, even if you aren't particularly attracted to her. Try talking to a dude, especially if he's gay. A new guy friend can be your biggest ally when his female friends return from the bathroom. Above all, be friendly. You never know what bedrooms doors a smile will open.
While causally chatting with the other party patrons, scout out two women two focus your efforts on. Like any dating strategy, this is a gamble, but losing a few rounds will only make you a better player. And, you should have enough self control and respect to know that going home alone is not nearly as messy as figuring out what to do in the morning with the ogre who wet your bed. If all your first choices fall through, you can always switch venues, or throw the towel in and attempt some reckless last-call tactics.
If you want a classy, highly selective woman, you have to pretend to be those things yourself. If you don't have enough self control to keep your libido in check and refrain from dancing with the shoeless woman who has already split two drinks on her shirt, potential lover connections will assume you don't have enough self control to be a competent lover.
Be cautious of women who approach you. If she is that forward, either you are out of her league or she's as sex-starved as you're pretending not to be. Easy kills are easy for a reason. Besides, no move is more suave than excusing yourself from one woman to introduce yourself to another. Of course, this all hinges on your ability to confidently approach attractive women, but that's an entirely different blog.
As an example, this weekend, my attractive female friend, Janet, was set on getting drunk and finding a make-out partner. She dressed in her Saturday night best and hit the scene with some drinks and an open mind. Unfortunately none of the douches in the bar could pass the competency test and get a free pass to some light groping. The men kept eliminating themselves due to their lack of self control. One guy she thought was cute was immediately cut when he tried to buddy up with two sloppy, young women trying to hold each other up. Another was bumped off the list because he couldn't keep his eyes off her chest when they were talking. The final hope, a tall, dark, and handsome man with a muscular body in understated clothes, was eliminated for trying to affix himself to every ass that bounced by. When he finally targeted Janet, she immediately attempted evasive actions. The simple act of rolling up on someone's ass unannounced usually is a clear sign that you don't know the correct steps involved in the human mating dance. Janet had gone into the bar perfectly willing to kiss any decent man who proved himself worthy. Instead, she ended up lounging around in a hot tub in just her underwear, as I tried to convince her that there are normal guys out there, somewhere.
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This article appears in Jan 27 – Feb 2, 2010.