Some of the health concerns of musicians are much as you’d expect; carpal tunnel syndrome, tendonitis, strained vocal chords and throat polyps, damaged eardrums, back problems from bad posture. But what about those unforeseen occupational hazards, the seemingly unavoidable injuries along with the ones caused by some combination of stupidity, adrenaline and alcohol?
Many fall into specific categories: pyrotechnic accidents (à la James Hetfield’s burns from a tower of flame in ’92); overzealous (or just plain crazy) fan adoration gone wrong (David Bowie got poked in the eyeball by the stick-end of a flying lollipop at a concert in ’04, while Brendon Urie of Panic At The Disco was knocked out cold by a bottle shower that greeted the band at Reading Festival in ’06); tripping on stray gear or tumbling off the stage or making a poorly thought-out dive from it; and painful instrument mishaps (Pete Townsend windmilled his guitar so hard at a show in 1989 that he impaled his right hand with his tremolo bar, and many of us still fondly remember Krist Novoselic getting hit in the forehead with the bass he’d just flung in the air during Nirvana’s 1992 MTV VMA Awards performance).
Out of curiosity, I polled my musician friends about their most bizarre/painful/funny/memorable injuries on Facebook, and boy, did I ever get a wealth of responses. Some favorites listed below.
I had swollen fingers for a week from playing the congas with a little too much excitement. —Monica Delgado
Not much worse than smacking yourself in the nose with a drum stick. —Vinnie Cosentino
The lead singer of my band caught her cuticle on a banjo string while clawhammering. She sent a spray of ruby red blood flying over the white face of the banjo and I recall that someone took a gorgeous photo of it. —Sadie Dingfelder
While playing a cancer benefit with Variety Workshop at Masquerade (now the Ritz), attempted to give someone in the audience a hi-five … and promptly fell off the stage. Pretty sure I broke my pinky toe, but was never diagnosed. Still not right to this day. —Evan Brenner
I once got my nuts caught between the throne and snare when I was trying to get out from behind my friends awkwardly set up drumkit. That was none too fun. —Matt Drozdeck
UNRB was playing a gig at the Ale & the Witch when an entire wedding party rolls in, having clearly enjoyed the open bar at the prior reception. Everyone is still in their clothes from the ceremony (even the bride in her dress) and they are partying HARD. One bridesmaid is dancing so vigorously that she knocks over the mic stand and smashes me right in the mouth with it. —Noel Rochford
I frequently get my mustache/beard whiskers caught in my harmonica. When I’m playing guitar at the same time, there’s not really a way to get them out aside from just pulling and hoping it comes out easy. When whiskers come out of my chin mid-song, it takes everything I have to keep the rhythm. —Joe Kolenda
I chipped a bone in my thumb pounding the hell out of my bass. Not fun. Very painful. —Gabe Loewenberg
I’ve injured my pride pretty bad when failing to sing a difficult note. Pride injuries are tough for us vain musicians. —Jerrod Simpson
I swallowed a guitar pick when I was a teenager. I woke up every night in the middle of the night for about three months in horrible pain and had to drink some milk. I don’t recommend. However, since I swallowed that pick I’ve played guitar like a champion! —Blake Yeager
I was tightening the springs in my kick pedal once and I had the beater pulled all the way forward so I could loosen the bolt on the bottom. The beater slipped and came swinging back at full speed right in between my eyes. Knocked me out cold. I woke up disoriented on the floor with my face covered in blood. Left a nice little scar, too. —Alex Fedele
I burned half my hair, both my eyebrows and lips trying to breathe fire during a show when I was starting out. Also cut my back jumping into a drum kit and constantly shock myself while singing into old venue mics. —Lou Collazo
I play the musical saw a bit and learned the hard way if you don’t squeeze your knees together on the handle while bowing, the sharp edge can come down and split open your forehead. A surface wound, but deeply humiliating lesson. —Jesse Miller
Our drummer hit a cymbal really hard, which caused it to fly off and hit me in the back of the head. We were playing a song called “Hard As It Goes,” so I changed the chorus to “Hard To Not Get Hit By A Cymbal.” —Travis Tyler
To punctuate the end of a brief solo, I lobbed an 8" cymbal (which had no wing nut holding it down) straight up in the air a few feet, and then head-butted it. It landed edge-wise on the top of my skull. After the set, I thought my face was wet from sweat. It was blood. No one wanted to talk to me. I still have an inch or so dent in my noggin from that. —John Nowicki
I was trying to unwarp a record once and it snapped in half, leaving me with a rainbow shaped scratch across my stomach. —Neal Mega Stoll
I was the singer in a metal band when I lived in Kansas. One outdoor show, I was hammered and screaming the lyrics right into the crowd and the next thing I knew I was lying on my back, backstage, with my band looking down on me. I’d been hit in the face with a bottle and it knocked me out for a little bit. I got up, wiped the blood on my shirt and we finished our set. —Owen Meats
I was electrocuted with hot voltage through a guitar amp, the guitar itself, and a cable short. The sound went out, I jostled the cord, and the last thing I remembered was this feeling of tightness coming through my arms, into my chest and down into my leg. I was told that I jerked straight up with the instrument in one hand, the cord in another, and yelled as I fell straight into a heap. It literally knocked me down and out for a few seconds. —Shawn Kyle
After our set and while the crowd watched, I jumped off stage and walked hard into a glass door that had been open most of the night at the old Club Detroit. So my head and my pride were bruised. —Pete Bossler
This article appears in Jan 1-8, 2014.