Can someone please make Harry Potter go away? Don't make me beg!
- Scientists think they finally have a handle on what's killing North American and European honey bees.
- OK, who's the wise guy who threw away the surface-to-air missile in a Tampa junkyard?
- Larry Flynt claims his fishing expedition for congressional philanderers has netted 30 more horndogs, including at least one shocking culprit from the Senate. Thirty seems like a conservative estimate, no?
- Time to institute a mandatory waiting period and background check on the nation's sword purchasers? I'll bet this Hudson woman thinks so …
- Aging golfer Gary Player claims the PGA's top athletes are on the 'roids. Could that explain Mickelson's rotund man-boobies?
- The Canadian crime rate hits a 25-year low. Obviously all that national health care and ease of availability of pot is really pissing people off.
- Harry Potter's publisher goes ape-shit over Internet news sites reporting that the latest Potter book is available for illegal download. Allow me to clarify: The news sites were talking about the book being available online, not giving it away. Well, I'm talking about it too. Please send your cease-and-desist letter to: Creative Loafing, c/o Joe Bardi, 810 N. Howard Ave. Tampa, FL 33606. I look forward to hearing from you, Scholastic.
- Our long national nightmare continues: Who will host The Price Is Right?
