In terms of that all-out weirdness for which it is known, the Tampa Bay area — and Florida as a whole — did not disappoint in 2015. This year had it all: odd political maneuvering, bizarre crimes, a crap-ton of animal stories and more.
Here’s our list of (mostly) local stories that happened over the past year that remind us of just how special our home is.
1. Backyard gun range. When a young man decided to have target practice in his father’s yard in south St. Pete, neighbors in the somewhat densely populated area were outraged. After all, the kid was planning on observing his Second Amendment right using a “target” consisting of a pile of sand covered in wood pallets, possibly as children played in neighboring yards. Fortunately, he backed down after extensive media coverage and prodding from local officials. When sensible state lawmakers like State Rep. Darryl Rouson tried to bar backyard gun ranges statewide, however, the GOP state legislature shot down the proposal.
2. Food abuse! In June, a weird thing happened. OK, lots of weird things happened. But a pair of assault arrests in Pinellas County shared a bizarre common detail: the weapon used to commit each assault was edible. The first occurred in Treasure Island’s Sunset Beach neighborhood via a slice of hot pizza. The second? A hamburger in Oldsmar. Both assaults took place during rather, uh, messy domestic disputes. While we know that two incidents do not a trend make, it was a tad goofy they happened in the same week.
3. Crime: A family affair. Yes, assholeishness seems to run in some families. A string of crime stories we came across over the past year seems to suggest that so, too, does being a total lowlife. There was that stepfather and son duo who got busted for selling drugs out of their Spring Hill home as well as a nearby school. There was also that pair of brothers police nabbed on cocaine charges in Pinellas. …And the man who brought his toddler to an armed robbery in St. Pete.
Values, man.
4. Gyrocopter guy. Former letter carrier Douglas Hughes made national headlines when he rode his foot-powered gyrocopter through tightly restricted airspace, landing on the lawn of the U.S. Capitol with a sack full of letters urging campaign finance reform individually addressed to each member of Congress. Naturally, he was from the Tampa Bay area — Ruskin to be exact. Hughes pled guilty in November and now he wants to run for Congress.
5. God’s gift, all right. The story of Augustus Sol Invictus is one we believe could only happen in Florida. The former lawyer and current Libertarian candidate for U.S. Senate — though his party disowned him — earlier this year admitted to sacrificing a goat and drinking its blood. He also referred to himself as “God’s gift to humankind where the English language is concerned,” and “everything you ever wanted to be,” according to Gawker.
6. Random explosives. A smoke bomb on Madeira Beach. An inert hand grenade in Valrico. A toy hand grenade in St. Pete that caused a scare. Unexploded military ordnance that spurred an evacuation of St. Pete Beach. For some reason, there were tons of explosives, or things believed to be explosives, just lying around in 2015. Be careful out there, amigos.
7. George Zimmerman: Still? The man who experienced no consequences for killing an unarmed teenager will not go away. This year he made headlines for assaulting someone with a wine bottle, getting injured in a road rage incident and selling his Confederate flag-inspired artwork online. What a mensch, huh?
8. Nope! of the year. You know what’s a not-good idea? Keeping a venomous snake, say, a cottonmouth, in a pillowcase in your room. Know what an 18-year-old Wimauma man was hospitalized for in April? We’ll give you one guess.
9. Zombie cat. Animal stories, for obvious reasons, rule the news. One involving a kitty named Bart was particularly heartbreaking/heartwarming. After Bart was hit by a car in Tampa in January, his owner buried him, thinking Bart was dead. Thing is, Bart was very much alive, and clawed his way out of his grave five days later, making national headlines in the process.
10. Trust no man (only dogs). The custom rugs that were laid on the floors of the spiffy new Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office facility on Ulmerton Road had a small but hilarious flaw that went unnoticed for months: instead of saying “In God We Trust,” the rug read “In Dog We Trust.” Also an appropriate statement, if not entirely what the department was going for.
This article appears in Dec 24-30, 2015.
