Top 10 songs about summer sucking

Every year around this time the thought festers in my gut like rancid yogurt: Who appreciates a heat wave that lasts half the year? Are all my fellow Floridians shithouse-rat crazy? I guess everyone else has central air and a swimming pool. Or else comes from some place even more horrible, like rural Mexico.

The calendar says autumn begins in a couple weeks but down here on the country's forever flaccid dick, it remains hot and humid until about mid-October. I won't go into what feeling hot and sticky all day — for months on end — does to my libido.

To compound matters, there are the storms. I'm a fretter. If we're in the cone, I'm on edge, checking the news 24/7 with a bottle of brown whiskey at hand. This lively hurricane season will likely keep us in a perpetual state of nervousness until November. Then I will go into another serious funk if Sarah "pit bull with lipstick" Palin ends up a heartbeat away from the presidency — and all those red buttons. Talk about things heating up. Good God. That woman puts a fright in me.

But I'll save those rants for separate posts and song lists. For now, we'll stick to summer sucking, especially if you live in the Sunshine State.

Top 10: Summer sucks songs

1. Constructive Summer, The Hold Steady

2. Heatwave, Martha Reeves & The Vandellas

3. Cool Water, Sons of the Pioneers

4. Long Hot Summer Night, Jimi Hendrix

5. Summertime Blues, Eddie Cochran/The Who

6. Summer in the City, Lovin’ Spoonful

7. Hot in the City, Billy Idol

8. Summertime, Janis Joplin

9. Another Sunny Day, Belle & Sebastian

10. It’s Hot Tonight, Alice Cooper

I live in an apartment with no central air. Not a smart move if you live in, say, Florida. I know. But the lease lasts until March and my supply of "fuck you" money isn't where it should be. So I call a hot, one-bedroom apartment home.

And spend a lot of time on The Patio.

During the summer, not only is it miserable in here, my sweltering apartment, but my electric bill is double — cuts into my beer money and everything. When I do turn on the wall unit, it sounds like the roar of an ancient helicopter, one that's never gonna make it off the helipad. People come over from MacDinton's to see what the hell is happening.

It's embarrassing.

There are eight apartments in my near-century-old building. All of them have central air except mine. I'm considering sleeping in the cool of the hallway. My fellow upstairs neighbors are females. They tell me we have a mouse. Or mice. The rodents don't hang in my apartment, I explain, it's too fucking hot.

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