GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump says his long and hard fight for freedom has come to its sweet end, and he won.
Now that his "shackles" are off, he said, he can now make America great again for real:
He's probably referring to the Republican Party establishment, which in recent days has been slowly backing away from (but mostly not un-endorsing) him, namely U.S. House Speaker Paul Ryan.
Apparently, he is free to say and do whatever he wants now, which he obviously wasn't able to do before, since The Man is no longer keeping him down.
Because the GOP had such tight control over his messaging to begin with.
What? You didn't know tweets encouraging followers to look for a nonexistent sex tape or expressing love for taco bowls/the Hispanics are part of the GOP's strategy to appeal to the long-coveted neckbeard demographic? Get with it, man.
But, yes, now that Trump is no longer a slave to those empty suits in Washington, he can finally tell us all how it really is — beyond Mexicans being rapists and Hillary Clinton failing to reform the tax code 30 years ago when she was first lady of Arkansas.
More Clinton murder conspiracy theories?
Probably.
Threatening to nuke the U.K. because he never really liked The Clash?
Quite possibly.
Linking Clinton, Kristen Stewart and Megyn Kelly to a subterranean race of lizard people that thinks they have everything planned out for us but weren't anticipating Trump would rise to power just in time to stop them?
Sounds about right.
And all it took was a leaked tape featuring Trump bragging about touching women inappropriately.
If you want to see this in action, Trump will rally in Lakeland Wednesday at 3 p.m.
This article appears in Oct 6-13, 2016.