'Twas the night before Election Day: Chris Ingram's ode to Charlie Crist and Jim Greer

When out on the beach

in front of his rented condo

Chuckie sprang from his couch

to see his old friend Jimbo

His state party chairman

is what would appear

All tubby and incompetent

it was certainly Greer

With a little old driver

chauffeuring him in a new Cadillac

Charlie knew in a moment

he should feed him a snack

Faster than Rubio’s rise

his do-boys they came

And he snapped his fingers

and he called them by name

“Now Fasano! Now Lemieux!

Now Atwater and Cretul!

On Pruitt! On McCollum!

On Akins you fool!”

“To the top of the polls

to the top of the Congressional halls!

Now, dash away! Dash away!

fools you are, all!”

And then, in a twinkling

he heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing

of Fasano’s hoof

As Charlie lay in his tanning bed

and was turning around

Down the chimney Jim Greer

came with a bound

He was dressed like a goon

like some two-bit thug

And his reputation was all tarnished

like a cockroach bug

His eyes were so sullen

his dimples – so flat

His cheeks were like muffins

his nose like a rat

His droll little presence

made Charlie laugh

And he knew it wouldn’t be long

before Greer made his next gaffe

He had a broad grin

as Charlie talked of the traitors

“We’ll purge Allen Cox

and feed him to gators”

Greer spoke not a word,

but went straight to his work

Then he told his new intern

she was a really big jerk

And then he recounted

all the moneys misspent

And then off in his limo

to Dunkin Donuts he went

Then he sprang to his Gulfstream

his staff carried his bag

And the governor lay there knowing

the grassroots would gag

Then he heard him exclaim,

as the jet began to depart

“I’m still the party chairman,

with whom Charlie won’t part!”

Chris Ingram is the president and founder of 411 Communications a corporate and political communications firm, and publisher of www.IrreverentView.com. Ingram is a frequent pundit on Fox News and CNN, and has written opinion columns for the Washington Times, UPI, Front Page Florida, and National Review online. E-mail him at: [email protected].

‘Twas the night before Election Day

when all through the state

Charlie’s poll numbers were moving

but was it too late?

The prognosticators were predicting

on the Buzz and Fox News

That Charlie’s Senate hopes

were giving him the blues

The voters were thinking

about all of the Obama debt

Signing on to the stimulus

would be Charlie’s biggest regret

With Carol in her negligee

and Charlie in his Speedos

He looked like Pinocchio

with his really long nose

Scroll to read more Florida News articles


Join Creative Loafing Tampa Bay Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.