? Valentine's gifts for lovers ?


Chocolate Clone-a-Willie Kit: As much as your girlfriend says she loves your privy parts while you're having sex, presenting her with this kit to clone your manhood as a V-Day gift is about as romantic as bouncing your hanging dick between your inner thighs. Ultimately the Clone-A-Willy should either be a gift you buy together, or something the female buys for the male. Nothing turns a guy on more than for his lady friend to claim to love his dick so much that she wants to make a replica of it. Beyond that, I can't think of any man who wouldn't want a trophy to his manhood.


[image-1]



Slutty Bling: In the eternal words of the urban poet Ludacris, all men want "a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed." Nothing says classy slut like some costume jewelry that spells out, well, slut. Lingerie is so 1990s. These lacy balls of fluff just end up being ripped off and abandoned in the closet for fear of having to take them to the dry cleaners. If you want to accentuate your freaky side, gets some bling for your bang. (Unfortunately my breasts will not be included with every purchase)


[image-2]


Be Mine Tonight Condom Pop: Protection is a must, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be fun. If nothing else, this clever wrapping will be more enticing to rip open with your teeth.


[image-3]



Follow Rebecca on Twitter or Facebook



Don't panic. Valentine's Day may be just around the corner, but you still have time to get your lover something sultry. Even if you already have a day planned full of jewelry, roses, and proposals, nothing accentuates these sweat gestures like a bit of sexy spice. Here are a few titillating gift ideas that will ensure your V-day romance lasts long after the chocolates are eaten and the candles sizzle out!

Candy Nipple Tassles: What girl wouldn't feel sexy in these? Now, instead of just being mindlessly drawn to your nipples for no apparent reason, men will have a clear objective in licking your Hersey's Kisses.

Scroll to read more Tampa Bay News articles
Join the Creative Loafing Tampa Bay Press Club

Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state.
Help us keep this coverage going with a one-time donation or an ongoing membership pledge.

Newsletters

Join Creative Loafing Tampa Bay Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Creative Loafing Tampa Bay. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Creative Loafing Tampa Bay, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at [email protected]