Their man, after all, looked like man 24/7, a fact from which these wives should take very little real comfort.
If honor be your clothing, the suit will last a lifetime; but if clothing be your honor, it will soon be worn threadbare. —William Arnot
At Viva La Frida Cafe y Galeria, I read a poem celebrating Mexican artist Frida Kahlo at an event that poet Rhonda J. Nelson had put together. Dressed as a man, I scratched out the word "vagina" from the poem. I didn't believe I could say it without it coming out in a high squeak like that of a prepubescent boy. Kahlo herself dressed and painted herself as a man in her many manipulations of her image and its meaning.
Rhonda J. Nelson had no idea that I was who I was. As I handed her a shirt I had borrowed from her, I could tell she was confused. She offered, "I thought you were not only a guy, but related to one of the other readers that as a guy, you looked short and stocky. Then I made a note of the great hair. I tend to be attracted to guys with long hair."
That's right, as Max Fly — I had game. I"d passed.
Reading poetry out loud is always a challenge, but reading in a restaurant full of hungry people with my faux hair soul patch goatee coming unglued took me to new heights of horror.
MAX FLY: "Disfigurement..."
RESTAURANT PATRON: "I'll take that sweetened. With a lemon."
MAX FLY: "It isn't the after, but the forever after ..."
RESTAURANT PATRON: "Quiet! That man is trying to read..."
I failed as a poet reaching the hungry masses. But I had passed with more than one person. The night was to end at Malio's Steak House, where I was to meet Carol and see how well I had done.
Carol's first time out in the daytime was far more rewarding. She went to the mall at 8:45 a.m. for an appointment she had made at Glamour Shots. When making the appointment she had carefully explained her situation. As she reached the door, a mall-walking gentleman opened the door for her, calling her 'miss." At Glamour Shots they told her they weren't open until 10 a.m. then did a double take as she explained she was the cross dresser who had made the appointment.
After the photography session, she was able to walk through a mall for the very first time as Carol.
I envied her that walk and wanted to know what it was like to walk in her shoes.
Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less. —Susan B. Anthony
Cross dressers don't always have the support and love that Carol has in her life. Tri-Ess is an international organization that provides support and education to cross dressers and their partners. It is a group limited to heterosexual cross dressers, and it treats wives or significant others as equal partners.
The local chapter, Tri-Beta, was begun this year by Dee. She calls herself the den mother for the group. A wife of a cross dresser, she revels in what it has brought to her life. As part of her activities with Tri Beta, she takes newbies and men without support partners shopping. The membership is paid, not open to the public, and confidential.
Tri Beta recommends honesty, particularly in dating or marriage. Rather than suffer or inflict disillusionment, share the truth with your partner. When dating, tell the woman by the fourth date. Throughout her 18-month engagement, Carol was up front with her bride-to-be, who, although she wouldn't be upset if Carol went away, is appreciative of what Carol has brought to her marriage with Dave.
Dee adds, "It is important for a cross dresser to recognize that a desire to cross dress is a part of his whole self and to accept that gift." She sees her charges become happier and self-accepting when they feel comfortable with who they are and others accept them.
In 1996, in a study from The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, researchers found that transvestites as a group were indistinguishable from the average man in tests of personality, sexual function and emotional distress. Nearly 100 years ago, German sexologist Magnus Hirschfeld, M.D., coined the word 'transvestite" and concluded that cross dressing was simply a way some men expressed their personality.
