I used to work in the Office from Hell. Dilbert has nothing on me. My work environment was a happy-go-lucky combination of Office Space, a 19th century garment district sweatshop, and the secret underground lair of Dr. No. Disaffected? You betcha. I"m just the kind of girl Despair.com had in mind when articulating its brilliant satire.Taking its cue from ultra-cheesy motivational posters, Despair.com"s collection of "demotivators" combine a pithy statement on concepts like "indifference," "elitism," "meetings" and "disservice" with photographs of sweeping vistas, mountain streams, wildlife and metaphorical imagery. My favorite from the brand new 2003 Demotivators Calendar is "Get to Work," with an icy view of a crew team rowing on a glassy river, and the statement, "You aren"t being paid to believe in the power of your dreams." Perfect gifts for your cubicle-bound buddies, or use them as thinly veiled insults for your boss" Secret Santa. And, of course, college dorm rooms. The kiddies should know their sad destiny (and believe me, Despair.com knows how to tap into its core audience).
When I graduated from college, some of my peers got jobs as "consultants," positions that promised them six figures and a mess of perks. I wasn't one of these lucky few, partly because I'm overfond of my soul, and partly because I didn"t know what the hell a consultant did. Two years later, some of my college chums managed to hang onto their jobs (though precious few to their five-figure bonuses), and I'm happy to report that I know exactly what these Yahoos do in their fancy Manhattan offices. They stare at their own demotivational poster, which manages to perfectly capture their goal: "Consulting: If you're not part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem." I put in a bulk order for the holidays.
Of course, some are subtler than others. I particularly like the Thomas Kincade-esque gem, "Motivation," with the caption: "If a pretty poster and a cute saying is all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon."
God bless corporate America.
This article appears in Nov 6-12, 2002.