Web Site of the Week

Evil Plan Generatorhttp://www.darksites.com/evilplan.php

Let's face it, between kidnapping damsels, hijacking plutonium shipments and dealing with your henchmen's health and 401(k) plans, you really don't have time to create new schemes. Hey, no need to stop raping and pillaging — let the Internet help you! Ta-da! One Evil Plan Generator, complete with spiteful glee. Be your motivation greed, general snippiness or the ever-popular World Domination, this puppy will put the cogs in motion. Play with the variables until you get a scenario that best suits your degradation of choice.

Now, in and of itself, having this generator is pretty fiendish, but what if you're new to this malevolence game? You've always wanted to upgrade from puppy kicking and pushing old ladies down ramps to Prime Evil Overlord status, but getting there has no real guidelines. Sure, going to Law School makes sense, but that's expensive. You don't like buggering little boys, so the clergy is out. Working for AOL is an option, but the OJT takes too damn long. No sweat, we've got a link to "So You've Decided To Be Evil." This is a step-by-step guide to help you with the finer points of becoming the scourge of the planet. Wardrobe tips, advice on hideouts (excuse me — hidden lairs), the proper henchmen for your plans — all covered in glorious detail. Think "Malice For Dummies" only much, much more sinister.

Some perks of evil include cool hideouts, rad clothes and respect through fear. The downside consists of getting your ass whomped by every secret agent, superhero and damn do-gooder who comes down the pike. Plus it really is hard to get good help. Weigh it all out. But remember, nice guys finish last, sweetheart; this site is a little something to help in that sprint to the finish line.

—Patrick J. Graney

Scroll to read more News Feature articles


Join Creative Loafing Tampa Bay Newsletters

Subscribe now to get the latest news delivered right to your inbox.