Web Site of the Week

Personality Disorders Testhttp://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

One of the things I hear all the time is "What the hell is the matter with you?" Normally I don't have an answer because I'm sure the list would be very long and complex. And really, who am I to say without the benefit of professional psychiatric help? This question does not plague the folks over at 4degreez.com, though. Nope, they have given us a Personality Disorder test to see exactly what ain't clickin' in your brainpan. Oh sure, they have the nice disclaimer of "this test is not meant to be used as a diagnostic tool. Only a trained professional can properly diagnose a personality disorder." But where's the fun in that? Plus, this is free, while a shrink can cost more than my flippin' car. Hell, even more than my unflipped car. And it's so easy; with only a "Yes" or a "No", answer 71 questions like "Do you find yourself unaffected by praise or criticism?" (who doesn't?); "Do you frequently alternate between feelings of high self-worth and self-disappointment?" (just asking if you're a manic depressive, honey); "Do you engage in any obsessive or compulsive behavior?" (insert your own joke here); "Do you frequently masturbate?" (Whoops, sorry, that was one of mine). When you finish, you will be rated as "Low," "Moderate," or "High" in 10 personality disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal, Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, Narcissistic, Avoidant, Dependent and Obsessive-Compulsive. Apparently, I'm six different ways of fucked up, receiving a score of "High" in Schiztypal, Avoidant and Dependent with a side order of Borderline, Histrionic and Narcissism for good measure. Go figure. So much for that clean mental bill of health, huh? Send the white-coated men with the huggy-jacket, I'm feeling frisky!

—Patrick J. Graney (at least that's what the voices tell me)

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