American Red Cross Donationshttp://www.redcross.org/donate/donate.html
Let's begin this with an admission: The holiday season annoys me more than Carrot Top, bordering on a rage that burns hotter than Ron Jeremy's pee. If this time o' year is your bag, great, more power to you. Personally I don't think chronological imperatives should dictate when you give a person a gift, and the blatant hypocrisy of the season doesn't help much either. So I've been labeled a Scrooge and that's fine. Traditionally I neither ask for nor give gifts, but this year is different. I still don't want anything, but everybody is getting the exact same thing without my having to walk my pasty ass through endless mall corridors or stare blankly at shopping sites on the Net (which might cut into my valuable porn viewing time). Instead, the money budgeted for presents (well, if I gave presents) is being donated to the American Red Cross. After all, do the folks I care about really need more clutter in their closets and/or shelves? If you're tired of hearing about or giving to the Sept. 11 fund, donate anyway. The Red Cross handles disasters worldwide, including the ones Mother Nature likes to throw down. Sure, it's a little odd to be given a receipt for a donation (at least put it in a card), but the karma you rack up might help wash away some of that weekend with the boys down in the Keys. Yeah, we know all about that, Sparky. Regardless, there are a lot of folks who could use our help. And contrary to the commercials that would like you to believe this is about consumerism and rampant spending, isn't the true spirit of the season Peace on Earth, and good will toward men?
—Patrick J. Graney, who is now stepping down from his soapbox.
This article appears in Nov 29 – Dec 5, 2001.