Dadbod. It’s the newest word-hybrid being pushed into our psyches by the ever trend-reporting internet. Apparently a college girl wrote a blog that went viral arguing that guys who are not muscular, who have standard-issue, no-frills body types, which they deem to belong to dads, are just as fuckable as their gym-frequenting, protein shake-drinking brethren.
But I call bullshit.
This is not a thing. Most guys have a dadbod. The majority of men are not ripped, and most women don’t care. There is so much more to a person than their bodies that make them attractive. We know this.
But, for the sake of argument, let’s visit the notion that a regular guy who is soft-of-flesh and devoid-of-ass is something women find sexier than a man who has a muscular physique and a strong jaw-line. Let’s let the average man have his pasty-white time in the sun.
Yay for you, regular guy! It’s...your...moment? Mediocrity reigns! Chugging beer, playing video games and having sporadic band practice sessions are finally paying off. Whether you have bird-chests or man-boobs, we ladies have decided we’d be just as happy to get naked with you as with, say, Chris Hemsworth. Dadbod guys have a lot to offer that’s more important than having V-muscles in their pelvic area, and women are ready to give you your due.
You know how to fix our computers and how to make really cool art from stuff you found with your metal detector. You’re a music nerd, so we can kick butt on bar trivia nights. It’s your idea to go to Taco Bell at three in the morning, and that is always such a brilliant idea; the best idea ever, at three in the drunk-ass morning. Pure genius. That’s you.
Besides, if we get on board with this trend maybe next us gals can get a reprieve. Men will agree that flat chests are sexier than a set of perky, bouncy boobies; cottage-cheese-pancake-ass will trump a smooth-juicy-plum Kim Kardashian ba-donk-a-donk.; scenarios involving cankles draped over shoulders will be the new standard in spank-bank repertoires across the land.
Never happen? Yeah, no shit.
Back-atcha dadbod dudes, because while we ladies and some fellas may love and find plenty of dadbod-rockin’ men sexy and fun to be with, yours truly included, the truth remains that Seth Rogen will never be hotter than David Beckham. It just ain’t the way.
Probably something to do with the primitive animal-brain urge to mate with someone who looks strong and healthy, or whatever. You know, for procreation.
But have your moment, Average Joe. You kind of deserve it for all those times you held our hair back while we puked.