Wow, yesterday's headlines were just full of the sort of petty weirdo crime that only seems to happen in the Sunshine State:
A man who called the cops in Pinellas Park claiming to be the victim of a machete attack was eventually arrested along with his assailants when the "robbery" he reported turned out to be a heroin deal gone wrong. Just write it off, man — always write it off.
On the other side of the state, a man who was stopped for suspicion of DUI in Vero Beach (he was repeatedly bumping the car in front of him in the drive-thru) was found to have an open bottle of Jim Beam in the passenger seat, but said it was OK, because he was only drinking at stop signs and traffic lights, not when he was actually driving. Can't argue with that kind of logic.
Meanwhile, down Miami way, a man with no arms known for painting pictures with his feet on South Beach allegedly used those feet to stab a tourist from Chicago with a pair of scissors during some sort of altercation. Doctor Richard Kimball's one-armed man is impressed.
And finally, back in our neck of the woods, a 29-year-old Clearwater mother was arrested for allegedly passing out behind the wheel and hitting two mailboxes and a palm tree after huffing air duster with her 1-year-old in the backseat. Look, we all know how stressful and exhausting it is to raise a young child in this day and age, but this is definitely not what they mean when they suggest you try to find some time for yourself to "take a breather."
This article appears in Jul 12-19, 2018.