What do Charlie Crist, Mike Tyson, and Heidi Fleiss have in common?

It must be a Florida election

By Chris Ingram

This week’s big political news story was of course Florida Governor Charlie “the Tan Man” Crist ditching the G.O.P. in favor of an independent run for the U.S. Senate.  Sir Charles will be listed on the ballot with no party affiliation after two decades in office as a Republican – well, at least on paper. Political watchers in the know have long suspected Charlie Crist as being politically androgynous. He just proved it to all those who doubted it.

Still, it was a good move for Charlie. His “sell by” date just got extended until November. And if Florida gets hit by three or four late-season hurricanes (possible), the Justice Department indicts Marco Rubio (could happen), and enough Flori-duh voters buy into Chuckles’ populism (most likely), he will find his lifelong dream of being a United States Senator fulfilled.

My prediction for the Florida U.S. Senate race:  Crist wins due to the latter. Most voters are pigeons. Throw ‘em some crackers and they’re all yours.

So why will Charlie win?

Because most people are not sophisticated, don’t follow the players, don’t understand the issues, and most don’t see what they don’t want to see. Rather, voters long for politicians who give them what they want as opposed to real leaders who will give them what they need.  Enter empty suits like Charlie Crist.

Empty yes. Stupid no.  Despite the fact that it took Mr. “For the People” multiple attempts to pass the Florida Bar and I wouldn’t recommend his legal mind to get out of a parking ticket, he knows how to read the polls and give people what they want.

Furthermore, Charlie has coin. A successful statewide campaign in Florida requires bucks. Charlie’s got millions of them. That means he can go on TV – which is where this race will be won or lost – not on the St. Pete Times “Buzz Blog.” And Charlie is great on television. He’s handsome. He’s tanned. He’s charming and likeable. Add all of that to his “for the people” message and we’ve got ourselves a victor.

Marco Rubio on the other hand is about as warm and fuzzy as a winter in Kalamazoo.  Sure he’s a great communicator when feeding red meat to conservative audiences, but he lacks the gravitas that makes one think, “I’d like to sit down and have a beer with this guy.”  Add to that his troubles with knowing right from wrong (in the form of American Express card spending) and we’ve got a fella’ who has some growing up to do. Marco is not ready for primetime because actions speak louder than rhetoric.

As for the Democrat Kendrick Meek, he is, well, meek. He’s another one who is out of his league not to mention far too liberal for most Floridians. Plus, with billionaire Jeff Greene now in the race, it’s a jump ball – assuming Greene spends at least $20 million of his own money to win the Democratic Primary. But voters may reject Greene who is pals with convicted rapist Mike Tyson and used to live with Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss.

Photo: Heidi Fleiss 

Did I mention you can’t write fiction this well?

And is it any wonder with the lame bunch of narcissistic, double-talking, empty suits running to represent Floridians in the U.S. Senate this year why our country is headed to hell in a hand basket?

Chris Ingram is the president and founder of 411 Communications a corporate and political communications firm, and publisher of www.IrreverentView.com. Ingram is a frequent pundit on Fox News and CNN, and has written opinion columns for the Washington Times, UPI, Front Page Florida, and National Review online. E-mail him at: [email protected].

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