X-rated fan mail: Rebecca responds to your questions

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As a voice for alternative lifestyles, I get a lot of emails with questions regarding how to handle certain sexual situations.  Here are two recent ones I thought interesting enough to share, along with my advice.

So...it's that time of month for your wife...she starts a day later than usual because her birth control dose was changed and  it's dragging out a day longer than normal...we have a date set with a couple that has taken a month to pull together and everyone is looking to party...how would you like to see it handled if you were the other party...my plan is to go ahead and meet for dinner and explain the situation and see where it goes from there.

- Curious Swinger

Sex while on your period is okay for some and not for others.  I have been in this situation numerous times.  Most men do not care if you are at the end of your period.  Normally it's light enough that it isn't messy. Typically men will either stay away from oral sex with you altogether or restrict themselves to the clitoris area if you think there will be even a slight mess.

When do you mention this and should you still go out on the date?  It's important to always mention what's going on down there before your partner ever touches you.  I almost always still go out on the date when I'm on my period and normally tell my potential partner when we have a quiet moment alone.  After you have turned him on a little with some kissing and touching, whisper your concern in his ear (with your hot sexy breath) and he will likely make you feel at ease about the situation. A little respect for your potential partner goes a long way.

There are other choices for sex when on your period.  You can jump in the shower with them.  Any mess will be washed away immediately. But be aware that it's difficult to manage water and a condom; please be careful.  Another option is to try the product, Instead.  This is a soft cup you insert inside that keeps anything and everything from leaking out.  They seem to work well, but some men can feel them inside you.  Please note this is not a birth control device and it does not protect you from STD's.

My girlfriend sent me an IM today saying she would like "more aggression" in our sex life...  I am 39, she is 23.  Our sex life is not what most would consider "vanilla".  We've had a threesome and a foursome, we talk about other people we fantasize about during sex (male & female) and we've had sex just about every way there is, but her comment struck a chord.   We had a mild argument this morning and there wasn't a whole lot of time for make-up sex....We started kissing and when I reached to remove her underwear so I could go down on her, she resisted a little saying she wanted to wait until later.  I backed off a little, but the kissing definitely had gotten both of us a little worked up.  She went into the kitchen to get something from the fridge and I followed her...kissing her neck where she likes.  Again I reached down and started playing with her pussy.  This time there was less resistance so I continued rubbing her.  While she got wet and seemed to enjoy it, I could tell it wasn't going to make her come.  I took her hand and sat her down on a chair and removed her underwear and proceeded to go down on her until she came....later in the morning I received the "more aggression" IM.  Trust me, I wanted to spin her around when we first started kissing in the living room and have my way with her with my tongue or possibly fuck her as I bent her over the couch, but her resistance stopped me.  When I asked what she meant by her comment, she replied with "I want more "fuck you" in our sex."  So now I am confused....I started being "aggressive" and she stopped me, but when I went a little slower, she didn't.  I said to her that it takes two to communicate and that I can't read her mind.  What do you think I should have done?  Should I have fought her resistance and had my way with her like I was thinking originally?   Secondly, after I finished pleasuring her, I would have liked it if she returned the favor, but I didn't ask her or give her any hint that I wanted her to get me off too but I would think it would be a given.  In looking back, I think I should have "told" her she wasn't leaving her apartment without finishing me off.  Do you think that is the "aggression" she is talking about?

- Confused in Tampa

You said that you had a mild argument in the morning and there wasn't enough time for make-up sex.   Since there wasn't a lot of time, maybe she didn't want to invest the emotion into an aggressive sexual encounter at that moment.  She may have wanted more time to enjoy the new "fuck you" in sex and a few minutes in the morning probably just wasn't going to fulfill that.

Sometimes women need more time to get over a situation as well.  If you are arguing about sex and it's still on her mind, likely she isn't going to want to jump into sex as soon as the argument ends.  Give her the day next time to mull over what has been said and then jump into that aggressive sex she wants.  Just make sure you keep it at her speed.  Things should work out!

Follow all of Rebecca’s tales here.

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