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From gaseous piffle to a beating machine, words we'll remember from the letters of 2005.

1.Who wrote this gaseous piffle? You Fourth Estate dilettantes have sat in your office on your keisters and made this up while throwing spitballs into the wastebasket. Alternate press indeed. Alternate dingdongs is more accurate.

Lee Drury de Cesare, 9/28, re: Best of the Bay selection of Clayton Wilcox as best new public official

2. Dear Mr. White Trash: I always thought journalists were stupid and did not have anything positive to write about, and how about that? You are even stupid in your personal life... You are probably one of those guys that after smoking pot you just sit around and do nothing while you dream about being some great writer — you are not!

Anonymous, 2/9, re: "Bad Neighbors"

3. I, and others who have read this, find the use of the slang MF word very offensive. It is disrespectful of all Mothers and should not be used in a newspaper publication for all to read.

Fran Stowe and 27 additional signatories, 6/15, re: "Quit Doggin' Chappelle"

4. I have a request to make to those of us who are not living in fantasyland, and have some clue about reality. Do we have to keep perpetuating Christianity as anything but the antiquated polarizing fiction that it is?

Travis May, 2/23, re: "Krunk for Christ"

5. What do you listen with, two tin cans held onto your head with pieces of string? And your sophisticated musical training comes from where — the Ding-Dong School of Music? And your training in critical writing from the Spiro T. Agnew School of Verbiage?

David Sahadi, 4/6, re: Review of a Pat Metheny CD

6. As to the comment about WMNF's "core audience" being made up of "40-to-50-year-old white guys with ponytails": I've lived in Florida for nearly 10 years and I can easily claim that the majority of such guys couldn't pick their noses and listen to the radio at the same time.

H.P. Albarelli, 2/9, re: "Off the Air: Connie Burton vs. WMNF"

7. Thank you for not diluting the focus of the review by rehashing the fact that singer Rob Halford came out as a homosexual during his 15-year absence from Judas Priest... It's what comes OUT of his throat that matters to us, not what goes IN.

Paul Watkins, 3/16, re: "Angels of Retribution"

8. Nice article, Mr. Journalist, but you haven't lived until you've had a free dinner from the Chicken Man.

Professor Pyramid, 6/15, re: "The Free Way"

9. And speaking of useless jobs, how about reporters who probably smoke dope all day then write stories they think are funny?

Raymond C. Schmidt, 11/23, re: "The Most Useless Job in the World"

10. You can't beat that with a beating machine.

David Jenkins, 12/14, re: "The Nine Circles of the Googolplex"

Honorable mention:

I don't think any of those dirty chain-smokin' actors bought smokes for a couple of years, at least.

Christen M. Petitt, 2/23, re: "Return of the Promo Pack"

To add to Scott Harrell's do's and don't's for bar customers, how 'bout DON'T play stupid games at ID time, you aren't being "flattered" and I don't give a rat's ass how old you are if you can't prove it.

The Fuma Bella Staff, 6/15, re: "I'll Drink to That"

I don't consider myself homophobic; if I knew the Greek word for disgust, I could appropriately say I was "homo-disgusted."

James McCarthy, 7/16, re: the Hillsborough gay pride controversy

Gay pride is not about sexuality any more than women's lib was about getting the pill.

Noelle Haight, 7/23, re: McCarthy's letter

It's as if a movie critic reviewing The Sixth Sense told everyone, "This movie becomes much cooler when you find out Bruce Willis has been dead the whole time."

Lorne Lakin, 8/17, re: review of March of the Kitefliers

Please let Scott Harrell know that we appreciate anyone taking the time to listen to our crap.

Gene May of Damage Control, 6/8, re: review of Damage Control CD

You quoted Ms. Repper as saying that "We've had a rich history of lust in politics. It's been going on for decades." I hope that quote is in the running for stupidest thing said this year.

Ann Addams, 2/23, re: "The Fire Down Below"

Recently I went to downtown Tampa to take in the styles of our buildings. As I stood there admiring the tops of some of the larger structures we have, a police officer asked me what I was doing. Apparently, just looking at the architecture of an office complex is considered suspicious behavior in our city.

Bradwell Jackson, 3/30, re: "The 'Ow' Factor"

Ybor is not a suburban subdivision, never has been and shouldn't be asked to become one now. Sterile silence lessens this neighborhood.

Shere Schiller, 5/18, re: noise ordinances in Ybor

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