Say you're a gay or lesbian couple looking to get hitched — legally.

You can't do it in Florida, of course. Or in the 28 other states where citizens — influenced by religious belief, right-wing propaganda, homophobia, ignorance or all of the above — have opted for a constitutional ban on same-sex marriage.

And then there's the small matter of our federal government, which is led by a president who says he wants to do away with that pesky Defense of Marriage Act, but only via the federal legislative process. Because, you know, if he wrote an executive order, it might lead to something terrible — like, say, Change. Which we seem to remember him promising once or twice.

But while we wait for that to happen, increasing numbers of voters and legislators have taken a more enlightened route. Apparently struck by the fact that Massachusetts has not fallen into the Atlantic Ocean, four other New England states — and Iowa! — have made gay marriage legal. California was a disappointment, but the 18,000 same-sex weddings performed post-California Supreme Court decision/pre-Proposition 8 are still legally intact, and marriage rights activists are determined to continue the battle. There are hopeful signs, too, in seven other states and the District of Columbia. And gay marriage is legal amongst our neighbors to the north in Canada, and in six other countries.

No, you won't have U.S. federal rights if you marry in any of the following six states. But you can and will share in state rights afforded heterosexual couples — for instance, the right to inherit and to file joint state tax returns. And any one of these destinations would be a mighty nice place to hook up — for real. (Imagine the travel pitch: Enjoy our New England fall foliage-and-marriage tour!)

Here's how to tie those rainbow-colored knots.

MASSACHUSETTS
When did gay marriage go into effect? May 17, 2004
Residency requirement? No. On July, 31, 2008, Gov. Deval Patrick signed a law stating same-sex couples can marry in Massachusetts even if they have no intent to reside in the state.
Other requirements: Couples must be over the age of 18 unless otherwise approved by a judge. Apply for a license — called a Notice of Intention of Marriage — at a city or town hall. After three days, couples must go back to the city/town hall to pick up the license and marry within 60 days after filling out the application. A witness is not required. The official who marries the couple then sends the appropriately signed license back to the clerk and the marriage is registered with the state. (Couples who can't wait those looooong three days can apply for a waiver.)
Sad fact: Hillary and Julie Goodridge, the lead plaintiffs among the seven couples who were part of the lawsuit that led to the change in state law, filed for divorce in February, 2009.
Happier outcome: According to a University of California study, gay and lesbian weddings have boosted the Massachusetts economy by about $111 million. (Guess California voters don't pay attention to University of California studies.)

CONNECTICUT
When did gay marriage go into effect? On Oct. 10, 2008, Connecticut became the third state after Massachusetts and California where gay couples could wed. So really the second state.
Residency requirement? No, but you must get married in the city/town where you obtain the marriage license.
Other requirements: Pretty much the same as Massachusetts. A couple fills out an application and files for a license (in the town where either partner lives or the town where they wish to get married); they receive the license and must solemnize the marriage within 65 days of filling out the application; the official who performs the marriage puts the proper information on the license and sends it back to the clerk of the town where the ceremony occurred; then the clerk registers the marriage and the couple receives a certificate. No witness is required by the state of Connecticut.
The case that made the difference: The decision to legalize gay marriage was the result of a case involving eight gay couples who were tired of being denied marriage licenses and who had all been in relationships between 10-30 years, many having successfully raised children.

IOWA
When did gay marriage go into effect? On April 27, 2009.
Residency requirement? None.
Other requirements: People under 18 need parental consent to marry. As in Massachusetts, there is a mandatory three-day waiting period between filing for a license and receiving the license. (C'mon, don't grouse: It'll give you the illicit thrill of having three more days of pre-marital sex.) You're given six months before you have to have the ceremony, so you've got plenty of time to plan a family trip to Iowa. A witness is required at the ceremony, which is probably a good thing — proof that we aren't all hallucinating and same-sex marriages really do exist in the Prairie State.
Cogent quote: "…just a few years ago if people were asked if we could get a judge in Iowa to strike down the exclusion from marriage, right there in the heartland, I think most people would have said we couldn't." —Freedom to Marry's Evan Wolfson, after the 2007 district court decision in favor of gay marriage, which was upheld on appeal to the Iowa Supreme Court in 2009.

VERMONT
When will gay marriage go into effect? Sept. 1, 2009
Residency requirement? None.
Other requirements: Couples can apply for their license with any town clerk in the state. A license is $45 and valid for 60 days with no mandatory waiting period. No witness is necessary. Under no circumstance can a person under the age of 16 marry, which seems like a good thing to us. If you are between the ages of 16-18, you must get a signature from a legal guardian or parent.
What about civil unions? In 2000, Vermont, under then-Governor Howard Dean, was the first state to legalize civil unions between same-sex couples. Existing civil unions in Vermont will be recognized, and couples in civil unions will have the option of entering a marriage, but no new civil unions will be permitted in Vermont after Sept. 1, 2009.

MAINE
When will gay marriage law go into effect? Sept. 15, 2009
Residency requirement? None.
Other requirements: Couples must declare their "intentions of marriage," a document that has to be signed in front of an official authorized to take oaths. That notice, which must include the couples' social security numbers that remain confidential, has to be filed with a county clerk and be available for public inspection. That will cost you $30 cash. Maine's law specifically allows religious institutions to refuse to conduct same-sex marriage ceremonies if they wish.
Cogent quote: Gov. John E. Baldacci, upon signing into law LD 1020, An Act to End Discrimination in Civil Marriage and Affirm Religious Freedom: "In the past, I opposed gay marriage while supporting the idea of civil unions," Governor Baldacci said. "I have come to believe that this is a question of fairness and of equal protection under the law, and that a civil union is not equal to civil marriage. This new law does not force any religion to recognize a marriage that falls outside of its beliefs… Instead, it reaffirms the separation of Church and State. It guarantees that Maine citizens will be treated equally under Maine's civil marriage laws, and that is the responsibility of government."

NEW HAMPSHIRE
When will gay marriage law go into effect? Jan. 1, 2010
Residency requirement: None.
Other requirements? If you are under 25 you might need to verify your age with a copy of your birth certificate. If you are under 18, you must get parental consent AND a judicial waiver. Boys must be at least 14 years old and girls must be at least 13 years old. (!) When you apply for your license, you must provide a photo ID and your SSN to the city clerk's office. There is no waiting period before licensed couples can get married; licenses are valid for 90 days and will cost at least $45. Non-resident clergy need a license from the Secretary of State.
The fine print: "Today, we are standing up for the liberties of same-sex couples," said Democratic Governor John Lynch on signing gay marriage into law. But he did so only after insisting that the legislature add language protecting the right of clergy and religious institutions to decline to marry same-sex couples.

Gay marriage in Canada
Same sex couples from America can marry in Canada. You need a license, an authorized person to perform the ceremony and TWO witnesses. The license and ceremony processes differ depending on the region and whether or not the ceremony is civil or religious. If you are already married you must get divorced before entering another marriage in Canada. If you marry in Canada, your marriage will be recognized by Massachusetts, Iowa, Connecticut and New York. Other states vary and so does the respect you will receive from the government. Getting married in Canada does NOT allow you to sponsor your spouse for U.S. citizenship.
  
Other countries where same-sex marriage is legal
Belgium, Netherlands, Norway, South Africa, Spain and Sweden allow same-sex couples to marry, but most have requirements that make the process difficult for non-citizens.

U.S. states with potential for legalizing gay marriage or instating civil unions
D.C.
Illinois
Maryland
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
Rhode Island
Washington

U.S. states that allow domestic partnerships
California
District of Columbia
Hawaii (reciprocal beneficiary relationships – limited rights)
New Jersey
Nevada
Oregon
Washington – limited rights

U.S. states that have passed a Defense of Marriage Act but have yet to enshrine a same-sex marriage ban in their constitutions
Delaware
*Hawaii (has domestic partnership laws that provide limited legal rights to same-sex couples)
Illinois
Indiana
Maryland
Minnesota
North Carolina
Pennsylvania
*Washington (passed DOMA in 1998, but on May 18, 2009, Gov. Gregoire signed into law a measure that extends all state-level spousal rights to gay couples)
West Virginia
Wyoming

U.S. States with constitutional amendments that prevent same-sex marriages
Alabama
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas
California (with the passage of Prop 8)
 Colorado
Florida
Georgia
Kansas
Kentucky
Idaho
Louisiana
Michigan
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Virginia
Wisconsin

This article appears in Jun 24-30, 2009.