You're Probably Too Sophisticated to Pay Attention . . .

to the John Couey murder trial in Miami and the Anna Nicole Smith hearing in Hollywood, so let me summarize. The Couey trial is bogged down with jury selection, and will be for a couple of weeks, but Couey pays rapt attention to the proceedings and scribbles notes to his lawy-, no, no, just kidding. He spends his time coloring in a coloring book. Seriously. And the not-ready-for-prime-time Broward circuit judge who drew the who-owns-Anna's-body dispute (Larry Seidlin) preened before the cameras, sounding much too earnest and animated for this particular level of proceedings (topped only by the Parkinson's-like gesticulations of Stephen Tunstall, the lawyer for Anna's apparently miserable mother). Money quote from Seidlin: "This body is not leaving Broward County! This body belongs to me now!" [South Florida Sun-Sentinel Friday] [South Florida Sun-Sentinel (Seidlin profile)]

F-State Executioner: No Medical Training, No Qualifications, Last Injection Instruction Seven Years Ago

The Tampa Tribune got a copy of the state execution guidelines (freshly enacted last August). The "execution team" that sets everything up has to be somewhat experienced and qualified, but they don't stick the needle in; that's done by the "executioners," who have to be . . . well . . . they have to be at least 18 yrs old. [Tampa Tribune]

Another Senior's Gas Pedal/Brake Pedal Problem

Therese Smith, 80, either couldn't think to brake or couldn't think to release the gas, and anyway, went right through a storefront window in Deerfield Beach, but with this bonus: It was the front window of the DMV office, to which she had just been summoned for a re-test. [South Florida Sun-Sentinel]

Your Daily Loser

Timothy Quinn, 17, was arrested after he had the bright idea to rob a Girl Scout cookie stand in front of a Winn-Dixie in Fort Myers, and the arrest was the easy part. The hard part was when the several Winn-Dixie employees saw what was happening, chased him down, and roughed him up. [WBBH-TV (Fort Myers)]

More Things To Worry About Today

The guy who robbed a Daytona Beach Subway shop is still at large, even though (a) his modus operandi was to threaten the clerk with a mallet and (b) he couldn't even drive out of the parking lot without accidentally ramming a fence and disabling his car [WKMG-TV (Orlando)] . . . . . A 60-yr-old sex offender was sentenced to chemical castration, but that will only take place at the end of his 25-yr sentence, when he'll be an ever-dangerous 85 [ via Fort Myers News-Press] . . . . . A homeowner in Delray Beach reported that someone dug up and stole a 25-ft palm tree from his yard (tag at "World's Worst Neighborhood Watch Group Identified") [South Florida Sun-Sentinel] . . . . . South Florida Imitates Los Angeles: A 33-yr-old woman led a 40-minute chase down I-95 from Hollywood in a stolen U-Haul truck (40 minutes being plenty of time to get those TV news helicopters in the air!) [Miami Herald] . . . . . Vernon Messier's job is picking golf balls out of the drink at the Timber Greens course in New Port Richey, but they forgot to tell him about the resident 7-foot alligator (who introduced himself to Messier's foot) [Associated Press via South Florida Sun-Sentinel].

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