Good morning! Should we talk about the weather? Should we talk about the government? Let's talk about yesterday, and then maybe briefly about some of REM's more dubious pop successes.
Wesley Chapel will soon be home to the nation's first Crystal Lagoon, a massive seven-acre lifestyle water feature that will reportedly include "a swim up bar, water slide, kids area, restaurant and other diversions" for the folks that live in the 2,000-home development that surrounds it. Hmmm — so some humans think they can control a seven-acre aquatic environment in a region in which every aquatic environment larger than the average swimming pool immediately fills up with algae, bacteria, bird feces, invasive species and giant carnivorous reptiles? This should end well. No, wait; what's the opposite of "well"? Oh, right — "in horror." This should end in horror.
Speaking of humanity's proven inability to dominate nature on virtually any scale, piles of hurricane debris still sitting around Polk County are reportedly attracting non-cute-and-cuddly wildlife. Well, yeah, it stands to reason that if it was happening a month and a half ago, it's probably still happening now. But don't worry, after the snakes eat the rats, the coyotes will eat the snakes. And then, well, how do you like your coyote?
A dog brought by a trainer to a meeting in Hillsborough County about increasing oversight of dog trainers attacked a child. The dog and trainer were there to protest increased regulations. If you're sensing a theme developing in today's edition of Sh*t Happened and can't quite put a name to it, the password is "hubris."
And finally, some non-local news of note. First off, established terrible pizza company with a problematic CEO Papa John's apologized for and walked back the CEO's recent, provocative comments blaming sluggish sales on the NFL's inability to keep its players from protesting police brutality by taking a knee during the national anthem before televised games. I know some people who would eat pizza from a company run by Mussolini's ghost so long as the pizza was awesome; thankfully, awesome pizza is not a factor here. Papa John's sucks on every level, and does not deserve your money. And finally finally, a concerned parent started a petition to change the mascot of a Utah high school because he thinks the plural of "phoenix," when voiced in cheers, sounds too much like "penises." This is a thing a grown man did. That is all.
