Incite an Anarchist Party

Throw parties, not bombs!

Today's younger generation of anarchists has inherited a fondness for sloganeering from their ideological fathers and mothers. But they aren't nearly as doctrinaire or violence-prone as their political forebears. When summer's here and the time is right for fighting in the street, they prefer a good bash — in the back yard.

If a few of your anarcho-pacifist friends drop by the commune for a little dialogue and dinner, don't panic.

Wearing your Premium Anarchy shades (www.nicks-picks. com/sunglasses/anarchy_sunglasses.html) contemplate the music for this impromptu gathering of your cell.

If you want all anarchy-theme songs, you'd better like punk. There aren't many anarchistic smooth-jazz outfits. Throw in some late Coltrane to break up the rock monotony.

Crank up Pittsburgh-bred Anti-Flag's "Captain Anarchy," a put-down of a punk poser. "He said he used his welfare checks to buy his boots and plaids/ In reality it was all paid for by his mom and by his dad," sings vocalist Justin Sane (probably not his real name).

Anarchists want treats with their treatises. In the kitchen, you're the anti-Martha Stewart. Magazine writer Gayle Forman was moved by the Vandals' "Anarchy Burger (Hold the Government Please)" to write about punk rock cooking: "My cooking style makes a lot of people nervous. Because even though I'm something of a pro in the kitchen ... I don't dig rules. I don't like measuring cups, and as for the kind of minute, anally obsessed instructions you find in cookbooks — I think not. Although I do sometimes use recipe books, I see them as my muse, my inspiration, my jumping off point. If I thought I had to follow the directions, I'd never put on an apron. Who needs other people's recipes? I'm my own Julia Child."

From her list of "10 ways to add a little anarchy to your cooking," a few samples: "Take Risks. You never do know what flavors will taste good together until you try. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches probably seemed really weird at first too.

"Don't Be Afraid. Fuck-ups are good. So the lamb chops in a mint chocolate sauce ended up tasting putrid. Fret not! Go out for pizza and try again in a few weeks — maybe using chocolate and cilantro next time."

For dessert, The Anarchy Cookbook suggests an apple pot pie. Take 4 apples (cored), 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/4 cup water, 4 cherries, 1/3 cup chopped grass, and 2 tablespoons cinnamon, and then powder the grass in a blender and mix it with sugar and water. Stuff cores with this paste. Sprinkle apples with cinnamon, and top with a cherry. Bake for 25 minutes at 350 degrees. Put on Crass, an old British punk band with an anticommercial bent so fierce they shunned paying gigs. "For all the chaos, it was immense fun," band members said of their peak period around the 1979 release of Stations of the Crass. "No one wanted to know how anarchy and peace could be reconciled; no one bored our arses off with protracted monologues on Bakunin, who at that time we probably would have thought was a brand of vodka." Finally, there's always room for Jello.

Dead Kennedys founder and spoken-word performer Jello Biafra lost the Green Party presidential nomination to Ralph Nader last year. But he still won't keep quiet.

Download an MP3 rant from his latest, Become the Media, from "If You Like Tipper, You'll Love ..." clocks in at just under 21 minutes and 19.1 MB. Tipper Gore and Jello go way back. In 1985, Biafra was among the few musicians to protest Tipper-inspired congressional hearings on music censorship held by her hubby, then-U.S. Sen. Al.

To hear the type of thing Tipper wanted banned, pull out the DKs' 1981 single "Too Drunk to Fuck" from your musical archives.

If things slow down, invite over a few libertarians and argue little government-versus-no government.

—Francis X. Gilpin

Minister of Morale