Let us now, dear reader, study the word "snark." Though overly lenient dictionaries will give it a meaning derived from computer-system techno-babble, I prefer to use the casual, non-verified definition so popular on pop-culture Web sites — a lovely and useful combination of the words "sarcastic" and "snide."
Understandably, this is one of my favorite words. It can be used in its pure verb form, "to snark," and converts easily into the adjectival "snarky." I love it. And I'm going to use it here.
The snarky Editing Room, run by thwarted screenwriter Rod Hilton, provides some truly creative snarking. Disguised as an archive of "edited movie scripts," the Web site is actually a series of rather clever movie reviews. Disappointed with the direction of modern American cinema? Take a gander at some of the more amusing abridged "scripts" on the page. Did you know that Tomb Raider starred "Angelina Jolie's Lips," or that Will Smith wasn't presented with the script to Men in Black II until filming was halfway over? In one "script," Teaching Mrs. Tingle, Hilton was so bored with the screening that he left the theater, walked around the mall, and completed the "film" with a speculative sci-fi flick starring Katie Holmes that he thought was much better suited to the Dawson's Creek gamine's talents.
In fact, the only drawback to the pages (which are presented in printer-friendly versions for quick snark reference) is the unremitting sense of bitterness that shines through each and every snarky line. Hilton doesn't seem to like anything, and one starts to wonder if his opinions have as much to do with the actual films as they do with his stalled career. Someone please buy this guy's real scripts. He seems pretty funny, and he definitely has his fingertip on the disaffected pulse of our cynical youth. For instance, check out this snarky script snippet from Attack of the Clones:
They run through the open field, playing with animals and giggling like children. NATALIE'S sundress flows behind her majestically.
AUDIENCE (staring at tickets): Star. Wars. Attack. Clones. (Looking back at the screen): Did we walk into the wrong theater?
Snark galore.—Diana Peterfreund
